Typed by Emily through the interdimensional portal
Date : 20/11/2008
Here follows an experience of a interdimensional being, sharing her experience of herself in a reincarnation in this world as succumbing to Prostitution – all because of Money:
Who I became because of Money: A Prostitutes Story
From birth to the age of two to three years, I had a normal upbringing as I lived with my mother and father in an apartment and vaguely remember me playing in my room with my ponies on a carpet that was so soft, that because of the softness, I spent most of my time playing on it.
From age three to fifteen years of age, I lived with my aunt, my mother’s sister. My parents died in a car accident and I was forced to live with my aunt, the only surviving relative of my parent’s family. I came to look at my parent’s relationship with each other as ‘meant to be;’ two people that were alone in this world with no-one else, no family but each other and I always desired that for myself, because I experienced myself in the exact same way, and I hoped that I would find the one I was meant to be with who’s just as alone as I am in this world, and all that we’ll have is each other.
This was my opinion of love during my teenage years that would never come to realize itself.
I attended a relatively decent school. Education is education. Teachers are teachers. No matter which school you attend; it’s always dependent on the student as much as everything else that is involved within education. So I pushed myself to excel in school and ‘lived up to’ my own set expectations.
It was all I really had as my aunt was drunk 24/7. So I submerged myself into school work and reading in an attempt to not have to face the reality of my life that was sitting there as drunken insanity right outside my bedroom door.
I attempted all methods to assist her. Hiding the alcohol so she wouldn’t find it – only to wake up or come home with the entire apartment turned upside down in such a state one could barely walk upon the floors.
Draining the alcohol into the kitchen basin – only to find out that the money needed for food for the day have been used for alcohol.
So I realised that she didn’t want to be helped, and one cannot help those that don’t want to be helped. So let her dig her own grave and pay for her own consequences for that is only her responsibility. This I decided in exasperated frustration due to my failed attempts to stop her from drinking her life away.
I primarily desired to help her due to my fear of not having a place to stay, being alone in this world without any money to support me if she would die, and I could see the state of her decreasing exponentially each passing day as she’d drink until she’d pass out, ‘come to’ barely, drink some more and pass out and so continue.
I cannot recall us actually ever speaking. She only barely, rarely, noticed my presence when her eyes were opened to see the rim of the glass as she brought it to her mouth to take a sip of alcohol. It was as though I were a ghost in her house living with her.
Basically, I just wanted to keep her alive so that I can finish school and then be on my own way.
This is why I engrossed myself into my education so absolutely, because I knew that this would be my only ticket in this world, this is the only chance I’d have to make it in this world. Education, because I didn’t have the money to ascertain the surety of university to ensure a profession through which to make money to survive in this world.
So I hoped that through excelling in school – I’d be able to get into university solely based on my grades and if not, maybe possibly find another way to get into university.
I knew very well that I needed university to have a profession to have sufficient amount of money to be independent in this world. Independency in this world = having a profession as/or having sufficient as ‘more than enough money’ to sustain you in this world.
This is where I wanted to be. This is what I was working towards. This is what I was living towards: Money, and I knew and understood this very well.
I was a shy ‘loner,’ one you’d refer to as those who didn’t really ‘mingle’ and become acquainted in defining themselves according to the rest of student-society, but regarded as an ‘outsider’ purely due to me not complying to student-societal laws of having a certain personality, a particular dress-code that suited such a personality with many friends that would be my friends due to our personalities and dress-codes ‘clicking’ with each other.
Labeled an outsider and opinionated as a ‘loner,’ self honestly because I didn’t have the money to spend on the clothes as the more popular kids, I was labeled as an outsider based on my appearance which revealed my money-status to everyone.
I understood this, because I always imagined myself having sufficient money to buy the clothes I would wear as the visual presentation of myself, and how I would change according to the ‘personality’ I would be. Within such imaginative daydreams I came to see that I’d be an entirely different person, completely. I realised I would change and my life would change and everything about myself and my life would change – if I had sufficient money.
So I saw the ‘money-status assessment’ existent in schools. Why people are who they are and how they are, according to the visual presentation of themselves that money provides. Living beings as walking portrayals of the amount of money they own or come from which determines who they are and how they are and everything else that is involved in their world.
So I knew that I was who I was and how I was according to the visual presentation of me that ‘lack of money’ provided that formed and shaped the personality opinion of me as an ‘shy,’ outside of the money-status perimeter, loner that I lived as the experience of me. That was why I was so determined within absorbing myself into and as education: Money determined everything about myself – up to the point of how I experienced myself as myself and the world in which I lived.
Money made me who I am – through and through, every inch, every part of me created in the image and likeness of ‘lack of money’ – a living being as the walking portrayal of what is formed, shaped and moulded due to lack of money.
When I was fifteen, I came home after school and found my aunt dead. As I walked in through the door I didn’t see her sitting in her chair as she always does every time I come home and her glass was scattered into pieces on the floor. As I walked through the door I saw her feet first, lying flat on her stomach – her right arm stretched towards the toilet as though it was her last desire within her existence in this lifetime – to only reach the toilet – and didn’t make it.
My greatest fear within me during the age of fifteen had become a reality right before me as I felt no pulse on my aunts’ neck and realised she’s dead.
No surprise, I knew it to be in the future – the shock and dismay however, because I only so desperately wished it hadn’t come so soon.
I still had four years left to complete within my education and I couldn’t see myself dealing with an orphanage, or a temporary settlement waiting for a placement in this world, or staying with people who’ve wanted a child, now stuck with a 15 year-old girl that do not ‘match their idyllic dream’ of how they would’ve wanted their child to be, or be left within a home with a bunch of other children with people that take in orphans. I only wanted to be alone in a room to complete my education – all of the above would only supply distractions and my chances of finding a home with ‘two loving people’ that are unconditional in caring for a child in this world at the grown age of already fifteen were slim to none, as most prefer to want a baby to be able to have the baby grow up with them as to so call themselves ‘parents’ and such a child ‘their child’. An already-grown fifteen year old girl exists as the reminisce of a life already lived, raised and bred by others and people would find it thus difficult to call me ‘their child’ because for me to be called ‘their child’ and them ‘my parents’, they’d have to raise me and I’d have to be raised by them – and I’ve already raised, raised myself – and thus adoption being slim to none.
I called on my friend’s parents, explained to them my situation, my dedication to education – showing them my records of grades and pleaded (asked politely in the attempt to suppress my urgency) if I could live with them until I complete my education.
I suppose this was done due to them assessing the amount of money they have and if they’d have enough to board another human being into their home, because it wasn’t done out of pity –it would’ve all depended on the money. It was done; I could stay and was adopted by them as my guardians until I would be able to provide for myself.
Within and during all those years of my life – I didn’t ever ‘feel much’; I mastered the skill of hypnotizing me into remaining ‘level-headed’ in the strictness of ‘what must be done’ according to my understanding at the time: Being able to be on my own, independent – with money. The only way to be a success in relation to money is to have a profession for which I require school and then university which was my one and only goal, aim that possessed me that ‘pulled me through’ to not have to ‘feel anything’ about what I’d been through.
I suppose what also ‘helped’ was not knowing my parents, or forming relationships with anyone close to me as though I was alone in this world already, the only one existing with everyone else but just a passerby until I, this aloneness can become a reality of independence with money.
What I lived towards for most of my life collapsed within and throughout all of my being when my grades did not meet the criteria required to be invited to a university without the requirement for money from my part.
The family that I had stayed with only saved enough money for their one and only child to complete her education degree by walking through university and I had no expectation whatsoever of them paying for my ability to be able to attend university.
I refused loan money from the banks, due to my absolute uncertainty within fear that I would not be able to return or pay the amount of money lent.
This absolute uncertainty within fear developing within me due to my extreme disappointment of my ‘life’s-work’ within education failing which I so believed with all of my being would be as I believed it to be, for which I worked so hard for – and when my belief, my ‘life’s work’ in education and all that I lived for came crashing down in one moment, my faith that there existed any certainty in this world went crashing down with it. Certainty in this world: It doesn’t – this I learned and experienced the hard way.
Vengeance, pain, dismay, sorrow, misery, anger – all of my emotional suppressions during and of my life lived up to the moment wherein I realised I would not be able to get into university to fulfill my lifelong desire of independence in this world, came rushing over me, consuming me as an unpredictable tidal-wave inflicting its monstrous devastation unto me – ruining every inch, every part of me within me. My future evaporated and I vowed to myself within my absolute experience of ruin – that I will never again ‘dedicate my life to live towards something,' only to have it thrown back into your face in a singular moment.
I was so filled with hatred – towards this world, myself, my parents, being born. The reason of why emerged: Money. It was all because of money that I was where I found myself to be as spoiled, rotten food within the glitz and glamour of this world – only to be thrown out, thrown away as though I was nothing. It was money that was to become my salvation in this world. Now it had transformed into my greatest demon that I would have to live with for the rest of my life.
So I decided at the age of twenty: Fine – I will be independent through having sufficient money – I will. I will simply have to do it on my own without having to go through university to obtain a degree to enter into a profession. There were other alternatives that I was willing to accept – all I wanted was to be independent with money and I was not willing to give up on myself with regards to this, and if the route that most ‘honourable people’ take that have the money and are willing to go through the channels to have the money as walking through the university-degree-profession path has closed its doors in me, I will walk, create my own door and walk through it.
But, by God – I will not have that which I have lived for be taken away from me by anything or anyone – it will become a reality for me.
So, I ended up first working at a cash-registry of a gas-station two bus-rides away from the family with whom I stayed. This was arranged through my friend’s dad being close-friends with the owner of the gas-station and he gave me the job of working at the cash-registry.
My imagined daydream life passed me by regularly as I’d see people my age stopping for this and that and pumping gas as they strut their money in the cars they own, the clothes they wear and how they walked, acted and behaved – as though they didn’t have a care in the world but enjoying the luxury of having money in this world. While I was earning just enough to pay rent for the family with which I was staying, to buy something for myself on occasion if I saved the little money I had left – I realized this was not going to create the door I need to open for myself through which to walk to fulfill my desire of independence in this world concerning money – not even close.
After a year and a half – the anger and frustration within me grew equal to the desire of fulfilling my dream and I knew that I was the one that would have to do something to get it down. Then, I didn’t care how – I just wanted to have it done so I can live my life as I wanted to and not be dependent on the situation I found myself in. I wanted to be free of all limitation, restriction as dependencies – I wanted to be free within independence, and money was my freedom, my salvation.
After another day in ‘paradise,’ I walked to the bus-stop one, and as I was waiting underneath the small coverage standing over the bench I noticed a leaflet: ‘Dancers required. Strong young independent mature woman that knows how to have fun.’ I took down the number immediately as it was the words the caught my attention. I always experienced myself as ‘mature beyond my years’ – as though I was 35 years old by the time I was twelve, as though I was a woman from a past-life that came into this life to continue her life that wasn’t finished; a restless soul seeking its fulfillment.
I knew it was stripping and went one Saturday-morning to audition. I’ve never danced and I’ve never ‘had fun’ in the sense of dancing, drinking and parties. Never had a birthday-party and as I said before: Education was my world, it was me – and I was alone most of my life.
I was anxious and I did have fear and all that is involved within a girl that is introduced to the world of stripping for the first time that hadn’t ever taken off her clothes for anyone but when she’s alone with herself.
But my hatred and desire drove me – my morals’ of right and wrong disappeared the moment I experienced this world taking all that I lived for away from me. Having no ‘religion,’ having no personal attachment towards anything or anyone but me and my desire to finally be independent in this world concerning money.
Therefore, within this all – I saw myself to be the perfect candidate, as they stated: You dance, you strip you get money you go, that’s it – no attachments, no relationships. Perfect. I could do this and the bonus within this as other long-term strippers professed: If you do the job well and please the onlookers: The money is abundant.
I spoke to the owner alone – I shared with him my willingness to learn and he was drawn to my naivety of it all, but approved of my physique and appointed me a girl that would be my mentor and so began my career as a stripper.
Money was great, however not sufficient. I still couldn’t earn the amount of money I desired without having to be concerned with money, I needed a definitiveness about money. That still wasn’t there.
I started changing drastically within the clothes I wore, the perfume, now the make-up, coming home early hours of the morning, sleeping only three to five hours to wake up to go to my job at the cashier of the gas-station shop.
Strangely enough, I was questioned about frequent late-nights and where all the money suddenly came from that provided the drastic change in everything about myself and of myself – it was as though I was being noticed for the first time by people, wherein previously, I was the same ghostly presence as I’d always been since the years of living with my aunt. My friend’s parents discovered my ‘secret’ career and threatened that if I do not give it up – I will no more be welcome to live with them, and so I grabbed my possessions and walked out – went to the club and asked one of the girls if I they had an apartment we could share.
So my only income was within stripping four nights a week – boarding with two of the girls in an apartment and I actually did have fun, though still waiting to fulfill my dream of independence and now had even less money due to no more working at the cashier of the gas-station that was a ‘normalcy-connection’ for me towards society as now I was completely enthralled into a reality that was ‘frowned upon’ by many – mostly those that had money and didn’t ever need to resort to such realities to survive in this world.
I still needed to have my vengeance against this world and all that towards which I projected my hatred – through having what I desire as independence with money, no matter how.
I knew the girls with whom I stayed were into prostitution as a side line – that would go to the streets in the evenings when not stripping and prostitute themselves for extra cash. They did it for the money – to have simple luxuries and enjoy their life according to how they defined enjoyment, defined life and was ‘happy’ with who they were and what they did.
After a few months I was approached by both of them in asking me if I’d want to walk the streets with them and join them in prostitution – they referred to it as: Taking Stripping one step farther and giving yourself a treat – lol.
At this stage I was 24, going on 25 and I was quite comfortable with myself in the sense of being naked in front of males and females and experiencing my naked body upon that of a stranger – because within it all I realised that it was all about me – not about anyone else.
On the podium when stripping to the music – I was stripping to the music and not FOR anyone. I was alone with me, within my aloneness that was my comfort, which pulled me through most of what I experienced in my life. So I accepted their offer to join them in prostitution and used the detachment I had towards people and the hatred and longing driving me to fulfill my desire. So I came to the existence of me wherein nothing else and no-one else mattered to me alone within the ever-desiring path to fulfill my independence to become a reality for me and me alone.
The personal experience of me within stripping is another entirely different story – at the moment, ‘we’re focusing on the money’ related to who, what, why and how I came into this world and experience myself in this world.
Up to the moment they had requested me to join them in their prostitution – I had not had a sexual partner in my entire life, I was still a virgin and this I hid from everyone at the club and rumours were going around that I was a lesbian – I didn’t care. I really didn’t.
I suppose the question came from partly to see what my reaction would be as a way to find out whether the rumours were true if I were a lesbian or not – so I decided to open up and for the first time in my life, share my experiences and express what I’m set out to fulfill in this life.
The girls were great – I felt ‘home’ for the first time with them as with most of the people I worked with at the club – a close-knit world that was my only world and experienced this ‘hominess’ (lol) so to speak as I opened up towards them – forming, my first close-relationship with them through opening up towards them.
Again, the money earned through prostitution was tempting – very, very tempting and I surmised that if I can do stripping, I sure as hell can do prostitution as well. So I thought, let me be daring – why the hell not! The money is great and could be the key to open my already created door through stripping – to open the door to walk into the fulfillment of my desire.
They walked me through the procedures and how it’s done:
The girls had quite a close-knit system with regards to prostitution within which, I discovered, the owner of the strip-club was also involved, as he’d send clients to the girls, only of his close-friends to ensure no ‘governmental involvement’ or the girls would have their own clients that would call and arrange on a place to meet, be picked up and book into nearby hotels for the evenings and earn loads of cash as their prices was set quite high due to all the ‘extras’ involved of an entire evening of pleasure. I was made very aware of the risks and they did much to ensure their own safety within this business –related to pregnancy and physical-abuse. They even had a physician to which they’d go to for monthly checkups and in the case of accidental pregnancy – but the precautions made were quite strict which reduced risks and I was satisfied.
So I was introduced into the world of prostitution – for which I could not have been prepared and had to make many compromises and find ways to push myself through it in the beginning as it was my first introduction into the world of sexual expression at the same time.
Most of the men married of course – well positioned in the chain of stature in the world with the money to be able to afford the services we provided.
Lol – again here – my personal experience within the introduction of me into the world of prostitution is also another lengthy story – so, we’ll stick with the point of money related to the experience of me in this world…
I became pregnant twice, had two abortions – explored the world of sex in all its forms and ways and eventually became comfortable with myself within it and during the experiences through becoming comfortable with me within sex and many various ways, forms and methods of sexual expression through practicing and reading with the girls – my mentors.
I used the money made within stripping for my everyday requirements and treats and necessary payments and the money I made within and during prostitution I saved.
I continued stripping and prostitution up to the age of 34 when I bought for the first time, my first car and my apartment and everything else that went with it. I had the money to provide me with my lifelong desire to be independent in this world as having sufficient amount of money and all that I needed to survive in this world and really live comfortably: BUT only one problem – I couldn’t sustain such a life of independence in this world without having to be concerned with money without being dependent on having a career of sorts to provide the money to sustain a comfortable life with all that I needed.
I gave up and resorted to accepting my life as a prostitute as my stripping-days was to an end due to my physical-form no more being appropriate in comparison to the younger girls stripping – I was no more desired within the stripping-industry – though continued within my life as a prostitute with the same girls with whom I started with continuing within the same system we’ve utilized since the beginning when I joined them in the business of prostitution.
At the age of 47 I committed suicide when I discovered I was pregnant again. By then, I had enough of this world and I was tired of prostitution, I was tired and done with prostituting myself to only have at least of a sense of independence in this world to live comfortably, to not have to worry or be concerned about money – but the price I had to pay for such a life was too much to bear.
And within my experiences in this world – the denied unseen worlds that exist in this global reality, I could not bear a child into this world, for the uncertainty of a child’s life in this world was too great to risk and the uncertainty of me always being there for the child, and I refused to risk a child having a life such as the one I lived – the greatest price to pay, is actually living in this world. Wherein money will either be your demise or your salvation – and this is determined not upon you, but on how the world operates in its entirety – wherein you are in the mercy of that which holds your path towards money and that which holds money itself.
A world wherein no-one has any regard, concern or care for you – you always end up having to ‘make your own way’ to attempt to survive as best as possible in this world.
Nothing in this world – not the money-system and all other organizations, establishments and industries that is of the money-system, supports one or each individual being, but only a few in this world that by chance/luck make it into the current setup design of the world-system in its entirety that is structured, built and developed solely upon the current money-system.
If you ‘make it’ in this world through following the path of the system from education to university to profession to earning money – this is due to you having sufficient money from the start that supported you; you flew upon the wings of money to your salvation in this world.
If you hadn’t had any money but was able to place yourself into the path of the system through others ‘generosity’ – this is chance or luck as such an opportunity only pass by a select few in this world promoting hope within others across the world even though they know they don’t stand a chance and are within this force to succumb to a compromised ‘obligated-to-accept’ survival reality – which falls into the category of crime, drugs, prostitution, stripping – not by choice, but due to them standing no-chance within a system governed by a money-system, wherein you only stand a chance if you have money to begin with in this world or enter into the system through luck.
I killed myself and a fetus developing within me within my own car in my own garage – fumigating myself to be rid of it all – to be done with myself and this ‘good-for-nothing-worthless’ life I have lead for which I had nothing to show, and to give my child the only gift I could: To spare them from this world wherein there exist only uncertainty within chance and luck to maybe, possibly ‘make it in this world within the path of the system’ – sparing them a life that I have lead – stopping another me, because this is what I would’ve wanted for me – to not ever have been born into such a world governed by the unmerciful beast that is money.
My last words: I’m done with you world, you will not have me and you will not have this child… This was my pitiful attempt at vengeance upon the world and everyone and everything else that I believed was the cause of my demise.
Unbeknown to be that I would enter into an interdimensional existence and only be left with my hatred towards the world and all that exists within it as how it currently exist – left with me alone and my hatred: A Hell far worse that what I experienced in this world, compounded within the realisation that I will have to return, must return, to face my responsibility that is this world and face the unmerciful beast that is money that is the system that is this world as how it exists – that I helped created throughout my existence, that exists as it does because of me – as it is me.
My ordeal in this world within that life of stripping and prostitution does not come close to the millions that are also suffering in various most atrocious, unforgivable ways because of the current reality I’ve accepted and allowed along with everyone else within the existence of the money-system.
Interdimensionally I could see how I created, accepted and allowed the current money-system and the current reality of this world as it exists – how we all are based on acceptance and allowance through ‘underlying agreement’ – ‘each one for themselves’ the saying goes: This is the reality of this world wherein some experience the glitz, glory and glamour at the mercy of money while others suffer the demise and devastation at the mercy of money.
And when your life is ‘fine’ – this ‘fine’ related to the amount of money that owns you – ‘everything and all else is seemingly fine’, because all that exists is ‘only you’ and ‘you alone’ – not exposed to the vicious smite of the money-system upon those not as ‘fortunate’ as you when it came to ‘chance’ or ‘luck’ in this world when birthed into this reality of money, as money.
Who I was, what I became, where my life lead to – every inch, every part of me through and through as all that I experienced was because of money, nothing of me as who I really am existed, as I was at the mercy of money as it exists currently in this world as ‘agreed-upon and accepted and allowed by all’ –nothing of my life was real as all that I was and had done was because of money, not because of choice or preference.
Money is the primary perpetrator of the suffering of most human beings in this world that not many see or understand, because it’s deliberately refused to be seen within turning a blind eye as each one is truly really alone in this world as I was – mere ghosts walking with other ghosts – not really aware of each other and other’s ordeals, sufferings and apparent ‘misfortunes.’
At this current moment within this process of existence:
All those leading a life of money, even those leading a life without money – we’re all going to go through physically experienced reincarnations within which we physically experience the consequences of our accepted and allowed existence of ‘each one for themselves’ within survival-obedience towards the money-system that we’ve created that exists as it does because of all of us, without any regard, consideration and care for what others’ experience in this world, due to us being only concerned within our own self-interested desires related to/as money – money that we created, that exists – because of us, because of us all.
Within this, really, truly understand, what we’ve done, what we’re still doing and the consequences because of it – to really, truly understand, what it means to stand up, to take self responsibility and actually stop ourselves as what we’ve done and become and stand equal and one and no more existing in ‘each one for themselves survival-aloneness’ – the only way we’ll stop: through actual physically manifested experiences.
This will be so – until we stop, take self responsibility, stand up and change as all as one as equal as life.
Edited by: Darryl Thomas