Daily Dimensional Diaries 04 October 2008:
Self Trust
By Winged
Self Trust:
Trust has become, and at this moment is, but a word spoken without substance. No ‘meaning’, no ‘realness’, no ‘actuality’ and no commitment exists as the word as the expression of a being; it has become as empty and futile as the very existence of a being of this world.
We have transformed words into the very nature of ourselves: Deceptive and Dishonest.
For what the word ‘trust’ as become is but a definition? And any being can hide behind a definition.
Yes, you can say you trust another. That you trust yourself. This is easy. But behind the word exists the truth of you; that you will always do something else behind the words you speak that is only of selfishness to protect one’s own assets of interest that revolve only around self and will, in a wink of an eye, compromise another to ensure one’s own survival.
Herein – what is spoken in words and done in action has both become of deception and dishonesty. Because what is spoken in words is but the presentation towards this world. Though behind the words that is spoken exists the actual truth of a being as seen within their actions and deeds.
This truth of a being exists as their actions and deeds (which most don’t see initially). But the truth of a being always reveals, and for a moment a being may hide behind words spoken as presentation to have others believe an idea they show of themselves as ‘who they are.’ But inevitably, their deception and dishonesty is exposed. The words they spoke weren’t real; but a veil to cover up what they really are which is noticed eventually by all others in an unexpected moment where the being was caught off guard – and caught out – within which they couldn’t uphold their ‘show’ of empty, meaningless words as the deceptive, dishonest presentation of themselves. And the actual manifested deception and dishonesty that they have become was finally seen in their actions and deeds.
Therefore, trust has become a polarity construct design of the mind consciousness system, manifested in and as the unified consciousness field as this reality to trap and enslave, because for trust to exist, betrayal must exist. Because the truth of the word “trust” has become the manifested expression of beings as self-betrayal; as they betray themselves within existing in deception and dishonesty as hiding behind words of definition. Whereas the words they speak are in complete contradiction to ‘who they are’ in actions and deeds. Meaning: in and as that which they ‘live’ and ‘act-out’ in reality are not equal to the words they use.
I am certain each one has spoken the words: ‘I trust you’ to or towards another. And then an event took place within which the other ‘compromised’ that trust you place in them. Then the situation was resolved and ‘trust was in place again’ or decided that ‘everything was okay again’ and continued the relationship or experience with each other as normal.
Though my question is: Is this really then, actually “trust?” How can trust exist if compromise of trust exists? For in the very acceptance and allowance of trust being compromised in the first place, compromise then becomes part of the word ‘trust.’ That for trust to exist, compromise and betrayal exists and is thus accepted and allowed as part of the experience of a being within the word trust and will thus manifest within themselves and their reality in experiences, according to acceptances and allowances that manifest in the definition of self that is ‘lived’.
Furthermore, within the words: ‘You betrayed my trust,’ is heard or spoken often, as though a being has a separate relationship within themselves with an entity named ‘trust.’ (this entity existing in and as a being’s definition of trust). And if an event occurs that is in ‘disagreement’ with the being’s definition of ‘trust’ as their relationship they have with the word trust that has become an ‘entity’ – it is referred to as ‘betrayal’.
Herein the question: Has trust then actually ever really existed, when all that manifest and is experienced of the word is compromise, betrayal, deception and dishonesty?
We have separated ourselves from words. The words we speak and what we ‘act out’ has become two separate existences of ourselves, bringing into existence a split-reality both within and without, where we have covered up the truth of ourselves as deceptive, dishonest, compromising, self-betrayed beings, that hide behind definitions of words such as ‘trust’ – when in truth, trust doesn’t exist. Trust has become the polarity opposite of what we really are as ourselves; as deceptive, dishonest, compromising, self-interested, selfish beings that only have regard and consideration for our own individual survival.
Understand, trust could never exist – because trust, so also with love, has been searched for and sought after in separation of self here – within others.
Our experiences of the word trust as compromise, deception and betrayal, done unto us or done by ourselves unto another – had to manifest, because trust cannot exist if we are not that in and as actual living expression of ourselves as ourselves here. For in separating yourself from and as the word trust, you are separating you from yourself here. And the betrayal, compromise and deceit experienced of and as the word ‘trust,’ is only you showing yourself that you are compromising, betraying and deceiving yourself into believing that you can trust another. If you, yourself – do not in point of fact – know, and has never known, what self-trust is, how can you experience yourself as the living manifested expression of self-trust – proven and lived for you by you, here?
How to manifest self-trust as the living expression of who I am here as all as one as equal as life that stands absolutely:
Self-trust
Fascinating that most beings reading the word ‘self-trust’ will literally only see the word ‘trust’ and not the word ‘self, and will want to tend to focus only on the word ‘trust’ – separating themselves from the word by attempting to see or self-realize themselves IN the word trust that they see ‘there;’ instead of AS the word as SELF, here. The word ‘trust’ isn’t the starting point. SELF HERE as the word trust. SELF-TRUST- self here as the expression of and as trust. SELF here as the word. The word as SELF here.
Therefore, to assist and support self to live self-trust here in every moment of breath, one and equal as self, self here must first be ‘established’ and ‘realized’ within this realization of and as self here. Self-trust is possible. Let me show you how this works:
Self-trust is one and equal (and both goes ‘hand-in-hand’ so to speak), because self-trust can only exist if you establish and realize what self is in and as trust – what it really means to trust yourself. To live self-trust and express self-trust in every moment here as breath.
Now, what does it mean to trust yourself?
That you have actually proven to you, yourself in living expression here in every moment of breath, constant and consistent in ‘who you are here’ in every moment of breath. That you are trustworthy unto yourself. That you have proven to you that you are trustworthy; not to anything or anyone else but you. That you can actually really trust you here in every moment of breath, and stand unwavering, firm and stable as who you are here in every moment of breath.
There will be no ‘proof’ outside separate from you ‘showing’ you or confirming to you – that you trust yourself, or that you are self-trust in living expression here – as this would contradicts entirely the very manifested expression of self trust. Because how can you state that you trust yourself if confirmation is even a considered requirement; herein actually making the statement that doubt exists. Self-trust cannot exist if doubt exists. It is impossible.
The question many will ask is: How can I trust my-self, if I do not even know who or what this ‘self’ is? This question is actually untrue. You very much know ‘who and what you are’ in this moment here as illustrated within the very relationship you have with your mind as what you exist as in thoughts, reactions within, and deeds and actions without – which is the manifested reflection of ‘who you are’ is equal to this ‘self’ that you have become of mind.
Though as discussed in the document above, this current ‘self’ exists within a definition of ‘trust,’ abusing self within the word through hiding behind the word; the definition of the word ‘trust’ to ‘cover-up’ the ‘truth’ of self as what self really is of mind – and at the same time – deceiving self by projecting trust in separation of self towards another, which manifests deception as self and in your world and reality as self to show you what you are accepting and allowing yourself to exist as.
Therefore, the process is to purify this ‘self’ of mind that has manifested trust in separation of self, where trust has been ‘misplaced’ into and as the mind and others outside separated from and of self here – instead of living trust as self here as self-trust.
This separation simply indicates how we’ve separated ourselves from ourselves here. Therefore, the process is to cease from existing of and through the mind, as the mind is what we have become, and stand as who we are here, as all as one as equal as life. In this process, self-trust will be one of the founding support and assistance expressions to walk this process.
Understand, self-trust is a ‘key.’ A self-support and self-assistance expression that will assist and support self here to walk in every moment of breath until this process is done. Until each stand one and equal here as life. Until life is here in actuality. Only then will trust in its absolute realness stand, as each one stands as trust here, one and equal as life. Trusting self here and each other here – absolutely.
Now an interesting point. We’re going to ‘bring the two together here as one and equal’ – self and trust as ‘self-trust’ through applying and living the tools: Self forgiveness, self corrective action, writing and breathing.
This is done practically as follows:
Step One:
Self forgiveness applied on the very acceptance and allowance of defining trust in separation of and as self here.
This done by investigating ‘what I accepted and allowed in me as the definition of the word trust’ through writing down the very definition of the word trust in and as you. In this, purifying the word and thus purifying you from definitions in separation of you in relation to the word trust; to not hide behind the definition of the word.
For example:
Let’s say you have defined trust as another simply just speaking the words: ‘You can trust me’ or ‘I can trust you’ to or towards you, then you say:
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define trust within another saying to me: ‘You can trust me’ or ‘I can trust you’ – and then immediately believe ‘trust is now in place’.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate me from trust – by defining trust through a definition as words spoken by another.
Or that you have defined ‘trust’ as being able to ‘depend’ on another:
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define trust in separation of and as me – as being able to depend on another.
From here – also take into consideration within the self forgiveness of ‘definitions’ – towards who and what exactly in your world have you defined trust as, ‘connecting’ yourself in relationship with others through the word trust – thus, separating you from yourself here, by being ‘dependent’ on others to ‘make decisions for you,’ for example.
For example:
Let’s say you’ve defined your mother as trust, because she always listens to you when you speak:
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define trust in separation of and as me – as my mother listening to me when I speak, defining trust according to and as someone listening to me when I speak.
Or in relationship:
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define trust in separation of and as me – as believing that I can ‘trust my partner because he/she will only be loyal to me’ – in this separating me from trust into and as relationship – only relates to the relationship itself.
Or amongst friends:
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define trust as my friends defending me when another was ‘out of line’ towards me – instead of me not accepting or allowing myself to take the expression towards me of another personally – and assisting and supporting such beings to see what they are accepting/allowing within themselves; that they were actually ‘discriminating’ themselves, and not me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define trust as when another lends or borrows me money.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define trust in separation of me within another – when I borrowed someone money and they returned it, that this ‘returning money back’ is a trait/illustration/show of ‘trust’
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define trust in the actions and deeds that beings do outside separate from me
Step Two:
Investigate your life in relation to the word trust. Define and explore experiences you’ve had within which the word ‘trust’ played a role, and had an effect and influence on you – manifesting memory in and as you, to which you’re still holding onto and still reacting to.
Wherein you were betrayed and deceived – and also where you betrayed and deceived – self forgiveness on the experiences where you were betrayed and deceived and where you betrayed and deceived another.
Within this – you’re assisting and supporting you within the process of releasing self-defined memory-constructs connected to and as the word trust because of past-experiences, within which blame, anger exists towards those that betrayed and deceived you and also guilt, shame and regret because of you betraying and deceiving others.
In not stopping the cycle of you deceiving or betraying others (because of anger/blame still existent within you of past-experiences, within which you’ll do it again – as a means to ‘taking it out on others’ for ‘what they have done to you’ – and because of guilt/shame), you’ll allow/accept others to betray/deceive you. Because you know that you do and have done it also to others. Thus you will accept and allow dishonesty and betrayal within others. Because you’re accepting and allowing dishonesty/betrayal within yourself.
Understand, in step two – you will be diffusing the ‘truth of you’ of mind. The deception, dishonesty and betrayal that you have actually become of mind, as mind. The truth of you that you have hidden from yourself through ‘proclaiming’ the presentation of yourself as ‘trust’.
Therefore, be absolutely specific and self honest in terms of the accepted and allowed betrayal and deception; that you have done unto others as you – and apply self forgiveness precisely in detail.
For example:
A scenario:
You ‘belong’ to a ‘group of friends,’ though there is one of the beings in the group that all the other ‘disprove of’ and which the other group-members ‘discuss’ this with you, though within yourself you have no particular ‘problem’ within this being.
You end up ‘agreeing with them‘on the outside as presentation of yourself out of fear of being treated and talked about in the same way.
Yet you have made a trust-relationship within ‘friendship’ with the being all the others disprove of, with whom you agreed upon the ‘disproval’ only out of fear. And in the face of the one that all disprove of, you maintain this ‘friendship-trust-relationship’ only in presentation and yet gossip about the being behind her back within which you participate; transforming from one person when in the face of this being and into another when you are behind her back.
Betraying and deceiving the being to protect your own self-interest of ‘remaining approved of by the group, out of fear, to not have to experience what is being done unto the other being.
You will not be able to ‘hold up’ this game for long. Eventually you will find or create an ‘problem’ with the one that all disprove of as an excuse/reason/justification for why you ended the ‘friendship-relationship,’ when the actual truth is that you cannot face the being anymore because of the deliberate continuous deception and betrayal, and will thus ‘find a way out from having to face them’ so you can remain in your ‘protected environment’ of ‘the group’ to whom you’ve defined you as in ‘society’.
See – in this entire experience, deceiving yourself, deceiving the group of beings and deceiving the other being, exists in full-fledged accepted and allowed deception as the manifested truth of you, showing this to you, yourself. Hiding within and behind the word ‘trust’ within the relationship-construct of ‘friendship’. Because if you were self honest in self trust, you would’ve stood up within yourself and said to the ‘group’: ‘This is unacceptable, I will not participate.’
Now you have to go into self forgiveness specifically and in detail:
Why did you accept and allow yourself to ‘gossip’ with them even though you agreed upon nothing they said within you? Pull apart all the reasons that come up within you and apply self forgiveness specifically.
What specific fears existed within you within which you participated that caused you to give into the gossip? Be specific with regards to the fears and apply self forgiveness.
What did ‘the group’ represent within you and your world that you didn’t want to ‘give up;’ to which you have defined yourself e.g. acceptance, stature, importance – that you placed into ‘them,’ instead of self accepting you here?
And so you ‘pull apart’ the entire scenario as memory within which you deliberately deceived / betrayed another; your experiences within as reactions/thoughts/definition that caused you to justify the betrayal/deception within yourself, instead of standing in self honest self trust with regards to what is acceptable and what not; expressing this as you in living application.
Also self forgiveness on experiences within which you were betrayed or deceived by another and your particular experience of yourself during such events to release yourself from any resentment as emotional/feeling reaction.
From here, from the deception/betrayal done unto you – because you’ve accepted and allowed betrayal/deception to exist within yourself, you’ll accept and allow betrayal/deception to be done by you and done unto you.
Now you take the self forgiveness of experiences within which betrayal/deception done unto you one step further: You have a look at the nature of the betrayal/deception done unto you and how it was done exactly. Because in this you will see how you are existing as that exact same nature. How you do exactly unto others, what is being done unto you by and through others.
Thus – apply self forgiveness from this perspective also; the nature of the deception/betrayal as how it was done unto you by others. Then see how exactly you do the same unto others.
For example:
You’re in and at a ‘gathering’ as a ‘party/club’ – and a being walks up to you and you engage in conversation with this being and this being speaks all the beautiful words you ‘want to hear.’ And only because it is the words you ‘want to hear’ – you ‘trust’ what this being is actually saying to you. ‘Want to hear’ such as: giving you compliments. The very act of ‘giving you compliments’ makes you interested, because you haven’t accepted you unconditionally as ‘who you are’ and thus need, want and desire someone else to ‘give/present’ that acceptance for you. Thus, the being is saying ‘everything that you want to hear,’ because they’re fulfilling a desire, want and need within yourself.
According to what this being was saying, how they were expressing interest in you in their presentation of and as words, you believed within yourself that this could be the ‘perfect relationship opportunity.’ This could be what you have been wanting, desiring and thus actually yearning for in looking for a ‘special person’ to ‘share yourself with,’ as within your definition of being in a relationship.
The experience ended up in the two of you having sex. The being said the next day they’d give you a call, but never did. Your calls were ignored and you eventually realized that all the being actually wanted from you was sex. You’d been betrayed and deceived.
So, herein – in observing the nature of the deception/betrayal to see how and where and when you actually do exactly the same – you look at it as follows:
Towards who and when within your world have you deliberately deceived and betrayed through presenting yourself to be a certain way, changing yourself in words/presentation for a moment towards another – ‘to get something out of them’, then once you got it – you ‘turned your back on them’ – revealing your actual, true, real nature?
For example:
To ‘make as though’ you ‘like a being’ – in the office – because they have a certain/specific way of completing tasks/presentations for business deals, then you’d get close them, see ‘how they operate,’ manipulate them into showing you how they do what they do. You ‘copy’ this and attempt to ‘better it’ to ‘get ahead’ in the office for a particular position.
Therefore, in essence – investigate the nature of the deception/betrayal done unto you in the very tactic/way it was done and what was ‘achieved’ by the other who betrayed/deceived you and relate it back to you and your world. And see exactly, precisely how such an operational tactic/way of betrayal/deception is actually done by you to/towards others – to ‘get something/achieve something’ for your own self-interest/purpose.
Then from here, apply specific self forgiveness in the seeing and realization how you actually do exactly the same: applying self forgiveness on the why, how, what achievements, desires, wants and needs do you want to attain to/accomplish. What self-interest points do you consider above all else that drives you to deliberate deception/betrayal tactics.
See: At the same time – you’re ‘purifying’ the ‘self’ of and as the mind, as the ‘truth’ of what you accept and allow yourself to exist as: as betrayal and deception. To stop the cycles of mind in/as which you exist. To be able to assist and support you in establishing self-trust.