Transcribed and typed by Terrence McKenna through the interdimensional portal
Date : 30/03/2008
‘I believed that drugs – especially the one’s that became my companion in this world, which accompanied me within my journeys, my paths, my roads, my travels into the seemingly undiscovered, concealed mysteries of ‘self’ of ‘reality’ of ‘existence’ and of mind – was the KEY, the KEY to everything – I just had to discover the sequence to unlock the door, to find the opening – man, I was so driven with absolute surety and certainty – no doubt whatsoever, no doubt at all – that I would be the one to find the ultimate truth – the truth to ‘why we’re here’, the truth to ‘who we are’, the truth to the very design and construction of ourselves and this existence.
And I did, I did find ‘answers’ – but I wasn’t ever satisfied that the answers, the understanding was the ultimate answer as the ultimate truth – the yearning of ‘there is something more’ – always lingered and always remained – therefore the reason I so consistently continued exploring the inner realms and dimensions and hidden treasures of self. The feeling of ‘something greater’ – always stayed within me, unto death – that feeling which had chased me throughout my life experience – constantly pressing my entire being, my mind, my self to not stop to not give up looking, searching and finding ‘that which this feeling of greatness’ represented and was that was the driving force of me, of all of me…
If death didn’t exist – I would still be searching to this day, to this moment…
I believed that we weren’t just here by chance – we were here for a reason, we were sent here…and I was so certain within my beliefs – that I would’ve died for them…and I did. As my beliefs became the very existence of me and my reason for being who I was and what I did – my beliefs is what I strived for and what I lived for…
My beliefs was in my breathing, in my blood and in my bones – it was the essence of me, the life force of me.
Sacrificing one’s own life, sacrificing self – for beliefs…goddamnit what has become of us?
I believed that drugs were the key to life, to living – that drugs was here to ‘remind’ us of what it means to live, to be alive – reminding us of life itself, the essence, the purity of life.
I believed that we had forgotten what it means to live, what it means to be alive – that we had forgotten of life itself – because on drugs and my experience of me with it and within it – man – because of my experiences within it, which I believed to be ‘real’ – because on drugs I felt so alive, more so than ever and that I simply couldn’t ignore or deny the experience of aliveness of me on drugs – that experience of me on drugs, the aliveness – etched and carved into the very essence of my being.
I believed that drugs were the key to me realising me – to me living, to me being – to me being awake and awakened for the first time – every time.
I believed that in this world, we were all asleep and drugs were the key to us awakening from this sleep that has set it and become us in this world.
I believed that I had finally ‘woken up’ – within my explorations and experiences with and within drugs.
I believed that our experiences in this world – ‘sober’ – was the lie and the experience of me on drugs – was reality, the truth, was real – that drugs was that which lifted the veil, lifted the curtain – lifted the darkness for us to see the light within ourselves, to see ourselves.
And because of my particular specific experiences on drugs – I believed that I was sent, I believed that my purpose, my reason for being – was to proclaim the existence of drugs as the process towards unlocking self – and explore and uncover, find and discover – the truth of self – and within this, realise that drugs is able to be consumed responsibly and experienced responsibly if people just understand the guidelines of ‘how to’ = and I could provide that.
I also understood that people don’t understand how to use drugs, that if they were taught, shown – lead by a leader who has become the master of drugs – how to use drugs – they as me would understand the beauty and magnificence of self, of drugs when used with purpose, understanding and reason greater and more than self.
I believed that I would be able to transform the entire drug-kingdom that had infiltrated this world and infiltrated the lives of multitude of individuals – from abuse to purpose.
I believed life to be precious – and because drugs were being ‘abused’– I would make it my life oath unto myself and all other individuals – to have drugs be used for purpose, constructively, to transform lives and transform individuals – that I would teach what I had learned to all and so become the teacher, the guidance, the way and so – ‘help’ others, direct others and show others to understand themselves through drugs as I have, discover themselves through drugs as I have, change themselves through drugs as I have – and to have people understand that it is not drugs that is the enemy – it is the being’s approach to drugs that is the problem and that the solution is the being’s approach to drugs…
And so began my existence in this world – transforming drugs into a religion and me the preacher of it all – to transform and change the entire experience of beings with drugs and transform and change this world’s outlook and approach towards drugs and realise that drugs, when understood how to be used effectively and sufficiently = is the key to the ‘kingdom of heaven’ within and as self as I believed it to be.
I believed that we could change the world in this way – if beings would only tap into that source of themselves and discover the beauty and magnificence of self through drugs.
I just laughed softly – my mouth twitching for but a fragment of a smile forming in the corner of my mouth – because in reading again what I have written, observing my words and the experience of me then within this world – the first words that arise within me is:
What a mind-fuck.
Imprisoned and enslaved by my own beliefs, imprisoned and enslaved by my own experiences, imprisoned and enslaved by me myself – and I initiated it – and because I enslaved and imprisoned me – I enslaved and imprisoned all of me as you – here reading my words before you, yet I exist within you as you: One and Equal for you are me as I am you.
I still have devout followers – living and practicing the religion of drugs I had placed and formed and established in this world:
This document is for beings that is unfortunately following my teachings.
This document is for beings that have unfortunately followed my teachings.
This document is for beings who are currently unfortunately, at random consuming drugs for the seemingly pleasurable experience attained through drugs.
This document is for beings who have fortunately not consumed drugs.
This document is for beings considering experimenting with drugs – but have fortunately not.
This document is for beings who fortunately despise drugs.
This document is for beings who unfortunately adorn drugs.
This document is for all in this world – with the statement, by me Terence McKenna: Drugs: The Kingdom of Heaven – was the actual deceit, was the actual lie, was the actual illusion, was the actual façade – that I so fervently believed to be real, that I so fervently believed to be truth – I so absolutely believed that drugs were the key to the kingdom of heaven – the key to self – the key to greatness and power of being – the key to life – the key to living…
I made a mistake – a mistake which has brought consequence and suffering unto many human beings’ lives and very expression of being, very existence of being in this world – because I realised that all and everything that I had experienced, that I had been, that I had spoken and that I had written – was not real, but a lie. That I myself was not real, but a lie, that my very existence in this world was not real, but a lie.
That I had actually taken away and destroyed being’s opportunity of living of realising self, of experiencing self of realising and experiencing self as life – as I had to me, myself.
Drugs is not the key to life – is not the key to self – drugs is here and has been placed to deliberately destroy and harm – through presenting an illusion, an idea of being the key, the answer to the truth, to self – but I have realised that: Harm and destruction hides and exists behind and within that which presents the experience of seeming beauty and magnificence…
If I had the opportunity to no more exist – man, I would take it, simply because the harm that I had caused within this world, the destruction within human beings is insurmountable – especially with regards to me realising what I had done because of who I had become in this world when and while here – and within this realization, me actually understanding and seeing what havoc I had reeked within this world and within human beings – because of what I had believed – my beliefs becoming the self-sacrificing manifestation within this world of human beings – as I had sacrificed me for the ultimate lie, the ultimate deception = which is drugs and the experience of self with and within it.
To no more exist is impossible – I am facing what I had done – and within this, to assist and support you as me, to STOP – as I have STOPPED.
Drugs is the destruction, the destroyer – the ultimate harm and ultimate abuse.
That the ‘truth’ of drugs is seen within the experiences of human beings as drug-addicts on the street – which is the ‘best’ example – take a good hard look at human beings as drug-addicts, especially those on the streets – broken, torn, ripped – until death enslaved to the slow but sure and certain killer – the slave to the master that had overtaken and consumed their entire being: Drugs.
For those reading my words in this moment – hear me: STOP – I urge you with urgency to STOP, because you know not what you do and you know not the consequences of consuming drugs – and if you do not STOP, and have excuses and reasons pertaining to and related to drugs – you are an addict – doesn’t matter what the reason is for using drugs, whether enlightenment or enjoyment – you are an addict if you are not able to give up drugs:
Adding another dick – having an additional dick to fuck yourself with into insanity – the madness – of the realms of the mind.
I’d suggest STOP – for I will go further into the actual manifested consequences of continuing to use drugs for whatever reason – and the consequences does not only exist within you and your world – but also that of this entire world and all of humanity within. And within this – you will see, realise and understand why I state: That you know not what you do and you know not the consequences of consuming drugs.
So – as I go further within this document and even after this document is done – and you still ‘fight for your drugs’ – understand you, dear addict – the one still continuing to consume drugs for enlightened self interest – do not deserve to exist, because the harm and destruction caused by you, the addict, as you will understand, see and realise within and throughout this document – is inexcusable.
To be continued….