My Children are Finally Living – The Testimony of a Mother
Written by MicheleR – Translated from Dutch by Leila
25 Dec 09
My Desteni-experience with my children and myself
When my children started being interested with everything that has to do with Desteni, they couldn’t talk about anything else. They had their mouth and heart full of it. They were busy about it continuously. They didn’t talk to me about it directly, but they would talk about it amongst themselves.I would listen from a distance and catch some things as ‘one and equal’, 4 count breath, ‘being here’, the farm, the forum, the History of Mankind, Dimensions, the portal, polarity and then self-forgiveness.
Honestly I thought: “What in gods name are they keeping themselves busy with?” and in the begin I couldn’t get anything of it.They were also chatting a lot on the forum, sometimes I would see that things were rather serious, and other times they would have the greatest fun. They were also very busy with ‘writing’. I got curious, they explained me some stuff. And they would send me translations through in Dutch that had some extra information. Those were the texts that later on were published on the Dutch Desteni website.
For me it was not like I was going to ‘throw myself into it’, no, very cautiously, bit by bit I wanted to know more about it and so I started with Self-Forgiveness.I was so shocked when I read through the History of Mankind, getting to know that my body was merely a vehicle, an instrument for the mind, and on top of that, that I am a slave to that mind. And “being here” of course I was here, where else would I be! Meanwhile I understand what they [actually] mean by that!
In the beginning I found it very difficult to place everything. I was convinced that I was a happy woman, mother and wife. I had everything I needed. A man on which I can build, beautiful children, a nice place to live, a fun job, activities, friends, holidays…I thought I was a free human being, but nothing was farther from the truth. I was trapped within my own ‘little me’, with all my memories, emotions, my fears, my anger, my duties, my insecurities, my frustrations, my physical complaints, my ‘being happy and unhappy’, and so on… I have really been able to feel and experience what the mind did to me and does. And that I don’t want anymore. I want to get rid of that.
Through Self-Forgiveness I get to know myself, I discover mySELF! It was getting about time! Through applying Self-Forgiveness, I get to the bone of it and correct myself. It’s as if I am peeling and onion and peel away layer by layer till I get to the core. Through Self-Forgiveness I stood up within mySELF. I question more things now and am able to see that in the past I put my energy where it was not necessary, that I was busy a lot with futilities, but not with life/living. Through applying Self-Forgiveness I LET GO – in the past I kept everything inside, and let it compound more and more. As well as on a material level as on an emotional level. I would have choked in it.
During the summer of 2007, my daughters went to the farm. My son went a bit later. Back home they told me that they wanted to go back, but this time for a longer period. Then I sat with the question of “Does that really have to?”, for a while. Quitting studies…no desire to study any further, leaving everything behind here…they are still so young…and they have left. In the meantime I went to visit them and I can understand that they wanted to go back. And that it is totally OK. I am proud of my children because of taking that step. They are surrounded with people that are busy with the same, day in and day out. They assist each other, they support each other. My children have grown up to be young people with a sense for responsibility, they live!
This is the testimony of a mother,
MicheleR
Experience on the farm
During the first summer vacation, I left for the farm. First of all to see my daughters again. But I also wanted to know more about Desteni. To check if everything was okay there. Before I left, I had to deal with a few fears. I am totally not a hero at travelling by myself, let alone going to South Africa all alone. Adding to that, that I do not master English well at all. How was I supposed manage all of that? Maite told me: “Mom, if you have difficulties, then you just breathe through it”. And that’s what I did. And I also applied Self-Forgiveness. The trip went very smoothly and I was very happy to embrace my daughters in Durban.
The actual trip to the farm, it may be strange but was actually the most difficult, because now there was no turning back. Leila put on a cd with songs of Fidelis and Cerise to which I had listened a lot at home. I felt myself relax. Arriving at the farm, I first got greeted by the dogs. Wow, wow! Now that was a greet. In the kitchen I got to meet all the people of which I heard so much in living flesh. I must say I felt rather tensed and it lasted for a couple of days. Bernard then also advised me to to take it slow, to relax and to finally start living for myself. I don’t know what I expected to find at the farm… but everyone there was so normal. All normal people, each doing there own thing. I thought they where going to talk about Self-Forgiveness and such from dusk till dawn but that was not the case. During the meals we did get, what I call ‘education from Bernard’. I tried my best to understand everything. I noticed that he mentioned the same stuff a lot…but for something to stay with you, you at least have to hear it seven times apparently [note: my mother is a teacher, she got the ‘7 times’ thing from school].
At the farm I had the opportunity to talk and work with my daughters. I enjoyed the contact with them a lot. But it wasn’t that ‘mother-daughter relationship’ as before. I had more the feeling that we were able to participate and interact with each other as equals. And that was something new for me. Till before they left, I felt responsible for them, that fell away now. I enjoyed and learnt a lot from our conversations. It wasn’t just ‘babbling to babble’. No, we really had something to say to each other. I also went with the feed and take care of the horses. I also had a lot of time to ‘write’, so that’s then what I did as well. What I noticed is that the animals: the dogs, the horses and the cats, assist you. I have been able to actually experience that, and for me that was something enormous. I never considered that they were able to do that. I remember: I was lying down in one of the seats by the pool and Timeless kept on coming to me to throw her a ball. In the beginning I found it amusing, but after twenty balls or so, I was like, doesn’t get this dog ever tired/bored of this? I was also doing the 4 count breath then, but sometimes I would dwell off and then at those very moments, she would drop a wet ball on my legs. That dog really wanted to keep me HERE. So every time I was ‘gone’, I would get that wet ball on my legs, while there was enough space next to my legs to place it. Boeboe brought me back HERE every time as well.
With some people I participated more than others. The language barrier was a bit of a problem I think. Afrikaans-Dutch worked for me, but having a conversation in English was a bit too much. At the moment I am trying to refresh my English! I also had sufficient time to go through the material on the website. If something was unclear, I could immediately ask for further explanation. I definitely experienced my stay at the farm as enriching. It left a deep impression in me. I would say: if you have the chance, don’t hesitate and definitely go there!
MicheleR