Structural Resonance Interview with Darryl
23 January 2010
Bernard: Okay. Explain me the situation - Darryl.
Resonance: Mmm...
Bernard: What's happening resonantly? And turning points, considerations, you know, the whole... just like normal. Just give me a story.
Resonance: Um, a new venture, a new possible venture's opened up. Experiences within that - lift one up into a experience of, um, feeling "light" and "ecstatic" and "jubilant" and, um... wanting to laugh and enjoy self and things like that. Um, in this particular case the primary focus point in relation to this experience is currently within, is Maya. That is known at a conscious level already, because his self-experiences of the expression that's coming through or coming up, is being felt physically. Um, thoughts have already crossed the mind in terms of how an experience or agreement would be with her. Um, yet the dominant cycle that is recurring and running - is that of the words: "being a failure" and "a mistake," and that, "everything that is being touched, or that I touch, just come to nothing." Umm.. and very much at the same time, concerned with, "If I fuck this up again, will Bernard send me away from the farm?" Yeah, meaning, "would he think that all I am currently doing here is just wanting to be in an agreement and that I'm not actual walking process, and that I am not dedicated," and uh, things like that.
And then of course, the other part to what is dominating, um, "my allowance for myself to just Live and go for whatever opening is here," um, is the past experiences with women. I have a great... "women" intimidate me. So I actually, have a fear towards women, that's why I go into a more of a submissive role in terms of the relationship or agreement."
"Um, so I've basically set my mind up in such a way as how one would, in terms of existing in the world, wherein you'd kind of first already create the mistake, the failure, the play-out of "everything coming to nothing," based on current fears, concerns, worries - infiltrated with past memory experiences of relationships with women, and my current view towards women itself." So you've got your four main points that's creating the system that is me, that is Darryl - and particularly - "windows of opportunity that is here in which I actually can allow myself to enjoy myself, but I do not." It's a - it's what they call a "Trained Mind," so to speak, you know? Such "trained minds" exists through beings that have had multiple life experiences in one life, in various ways, wherein you were directed or led by the system to everywhere, yet nowhere, and then you have experiences, but the doors would always close. And within that, your mind would be trained to always expect "less of yourself" than what you're capable of. Yeah.
So that's the "beingness," the resonant beingness that's being lived through the trained mind... is… giving... believing that self is less than who self can be, umm.. and is capable of being because, I mean it's existent- experiences are here. But self will deliberately fuck with self to be "less than" through this whole 'trained mind' scenario.
So... the basic point that - the first point that is to be realized is, to allow self to... just live.
"Live" meaning: go for that which is experienced within. Don't allow the mind to dictate within "morality" what is that experience that is existent within. Because if, if.. you kind of notice, it's not so much towards the person, which is like Maya, or a woman, or anything like that, I mean Darryl experiences this particular "uplift-ment" so to speak, within any new ventures, whether it's work-related, with self-introspection-related, the person coming into his world-related, I mean, those are "signal-points" of a probable experience that could make life easier, so to speak, for self. But he's been deliberately closing those doors now for himself - that's basically how a system would work. It would train the mind to fuck the being and then eventually the being would live that, and then the being would just fuck themselves, so the system would then be "independent," so to speak. And the beings would be "taken care of" and thus enslaved.
So Darryl must decide if he is going to continue living the pre-programmed, pre-designed pattern that was dictated to him throughout his life, or is he gonna rebirth himself, and just allow himself to live and go for those experiences that come up inside? That's what you learn in the Beginning to trust. In the beginning, the experience of it. Because if you have a look, experiences are not defined by thought. It's just a moment where it kinda rises up, and comes up inside, but which after, then the mind, of course, comes in and fucks around, but it's those moments where those "uprisings" happen inside that you, you, in the Beginning, follow that. And only in the beginning - is the point of reference for yourself where you have a probability of allowing yourself to actually experience yourself and enjoy yourself if you then after, not allow the mind to fuck around.