This is the continuation of the previous article:
MOUNTAIN OF PROBLEMS WITHIN THE RELATIONSHIP - PART 1
MOUNTAIN OF PROBLEMS WITHIN THE RELATIONSHIP - PART 2
MOUNTAIN OF PROBLEMS WITHIN THE RELATIONSHIP - PART 3
MOUNTAIN OF PROBLEMS WITHIN THE RELATIONSHIP - PART 4
MOUNTAIN OF PROBLEMS WITHIN THE RELATIONSHIP - PART 5
MOUNTAIN OF PROBLEMS WITHIN THE RELATIONSHIP - PART 6
MOUNTAIN OF PROBLEMS WITHIN THE RELATIONSHIP - PART 7
MOUNTAIN OF PROBLEMS WITHIN THE RELATIONSHIP - PART 8
The accumulative effect of mountain of problems will lead quite often to a break up of the relationship in a violent/explosive confrontation/discussion ( quite often accompanied by physical abuse ). It is a consequence of the discharge of accumulated energy generated from the friction between the partners as a result of not solving the problems in an effective way.
Thus the partners separate but after few weeks, months or even years they come back to each other and continue their relationship. And this is interesting... These partners come back to the relationship hoping that everything will be good this time and they are ready to go on the compromise and try to do the most possible to avoid the situation which led to the conflict. Unfortunately this is only the trap.
The mountain of problems which both of you have created in the past, still exists there. It only stopped growing in an accelerated way because you have been separated and the friction which was generating the energy has lessened or stopped. It is also highly possible - if the separation was for longer period of time - that the mountain of problems has got smaller because you have realized your mistakes and you have corrected them within you. But because it is rather unusual for people to process all of the problems and dissolve them completely thus the mountain still exists there and the difference is that it is smaller ( the weight on your shoulder is lesser ) and you feel better and stronger and believe that you can come back to your partner and continue the relationship.
But this is only illusion. If you come back to your partner but you don't change anything about how you live your relationship and you don't work with your partner on effective dissolving the mountain of problems from the past, it will all re-manifest itself and most probably quicker and stronger then before.
This is the reality of many relationships which lack the fundamental basic necessary for the functioning of satisfying and effective relationship. If the partners don't establish an effective way to communicate and solve the small problems they will accumulate into the mountain of problems and the partners will not be able to solve the big problems and it is only a matter of time when the relationship will fail - it doesn't matter how wonderful it is in the beginning of the relationship, it doesn't matter that you promise that you will love your partner your whole life, it doesn't matter that you have found you "soulmate" that you have been waiting for your whole life. Most of these relationships will fail. If you don't believe me then have a look at this world and investigate the facts and look at the statistics. You are not different then others. You only hope and believe that you are. You will only be different if you learn how to communicate effectively and solve the problems together with your partner. Only then you will have a chance to create and build a long term relationship, which will work and give satisfaction for both of you and the rest of the world.
Thus if you decide to come back to your partner after the separation it is better that you start working together as soon as possible on solving the problems which led to the break up in the first place.