Christian Stahl's profile

Christian Stahl

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Latest Vlogs by Christian

Christian's blog

  • Like the cat lurking around the hot mash...


    Like the proverbial cat lurking around the hot mash I sometimes lurk around the stuff I have to do. And I have a lot of stuff to do. So much that I do not know where to start with. I know this pattern very well. And surprisingly or not I know the solution how to handle it: Just start with one thing. Ok, but with which to start I ask. Just start with that which really needs to be done. And there are these things that need to be done Continue »
  • SF on fear of being exposed


    SF on fear of being exposedI forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being exposed I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to try to hide myself through thinking about how to present myself towards others in specific situations where I fear being exposed as weak or bad or evil or mad or as a liar or a pretender and in that context experiencing myself as inferior. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself wanting to be strong and good and clever and e...
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  • My first encounter with Work

    Im my adolescent years Work as „going to work every day to earn a living“ was something that I not intended to do. Moreover I thought that I would be rich anyway somehow and that that therefore others will work for me.
    I even thought that it would not be necessary for me to study at university because I would be able to pay for these people to work for me. So it would be a waste of time to study for myself. All I would need is my apparently high and superior intelligence to become at lea...
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  • Hurting another physically.

    According to my mother I was a quite child until maybe the age of 4 or so. I don't know why but from a certain time on I started to become naughty. Was it due to the death of my grandmother who I loved so much or due to our family moving to a different area - away from my grandmother - or was it something else, I don't know. I remember that one time on the playground I took a big stone and throw it at another child's head. There was a big flurry and now this child apparently had "a whole in h... Continue »
  • Geburt meines Sohnes Jaimes

    Heute war die Geburt meines Sohnes Jaimes. Das Erlebnis einer Geburt ist nicht alltäglich. Außer für die Leute, die beruflich damit zu tun haben.
    Ich hatte mir das iPhone gerichtet um Fotos und Film machen zu können. Das Personal war nicht so begeistert von der Filmerei. Sie hielten mich an mich auf Tamara und das Kind zu konzentrieren. Was ich ja eh gemacht hab. Ich wollte auch direkt die Geburt filmen, was mir aber aus den genannten Gründen verwehrt geblieben ist.
    Wir, Tamara, Jai...

    Continue »
  • Unevitable Self-Reflexion through writing

    This is the 21th day of my 21 days writing commitment. Summing it up I can say that it was a but tough but not as tough as I expected it to be. It certainly gave me a point of stability and an intense way to reflect myself - unevitably. It supports me ruthlessly in becoming more aware of my personality construct and personality reaction patterns. Today I became aware of a reaction pattern of jealousy in such clear way. I was much more capable of seeing it simply as a reaction. And a reaction ... Continue »
  • Asking what is Self and what is Self - Direction?

    Today I was asking myself what self movement actually is. I was in a conversation with someone that I met in a cafe. After some time I felt that it's time for me to go because I had to do some stuff and I said goodbye and went on. I didn't wait until the other also was leaving which would have taken maybe 10 minutes more. I felt that I do not really want to keep on the conversation. For a moment I was considering if an abrupt ending of the conversation would be impolite but I decided to not l... Continue »
  • The dogs couldn't keep it

    My partner, who is lying next to me woke up and we had a discussion, this is better to say a controversy about her two dogs. My impression is that they don`t get enough food. Or they get enough food but they are still hungry all the time and they get everyday the same of these "dry-food" balls or flakes. When I get myself something to eat out of the fridge for example they are around me and they stare at my food all the time. I don't like that and I feel sorry for them. I wanted to test out h... Continue »
  • Affection as Dependency and Manipulation

    I had a discussion again today with my partner. It was about my perceived need of affection. We came to the conclusion that my need of affection is kinda like a dependency. Also my need to cuddle and seek physical closeness is something that she doesn't need because anyway she never had it. For me it seemed always to be natural and even a sign of good mental health to have much physical closeness. And something that keeps you healthy both mentally and physically. And it was a common thing in ... Continue »
  • Time looping with drugs and alcohol without even realizing

    I had a dispute on the phone today with the mother of my first two children. When she is to go out of the jail that she is "currently" in every third weekend she wants our daughter to stay at her house over night. But the youth welfare does not allow it due to certain reasons. I told her that I also have my  concerns because I cannot be sure that no drugs will be consumed while she is in her house and that I also do even endorse alcohol. She replied that she with some friends had only dr... Continue »