3 1/2 years
At the age of 20 I grew more and more sick of myself, and my constant failures to produce something of enjoyment and meaning in my life. I searched for fulfillment everywhere but here, as the fulfillment of living breath; and so one day whilst I was contemplating what I could do in this world, and how come I experienced this world and myself as meaningless; I found desteni!
And consequently – I found meaning and a point to existence: birthing myself as life from the physical and stopping this world as it currently exist.
I’ve now begun to prepare for my exams, and this I am currently doing through re-reading all of the material that have been presented at the course, and making sure that I know everything of it.
Now, in me re-reading all of the material, and looking through old exams, and taking notes – I notice that there is much anxiety coming up within me – and the anxiety is in relation to the point of “ Continue »
Because I’ve started to study for my exams I will be less active on this blog the coming weeks – and the blog posts will not be as long.
Here I will continue to write about test-anxiety – and all the aspects, and dimensions of this particular mind-experience. Today I will write about an interesting point – the fear that I will become dissatisfied with myself unless I get the best grade.
An interesting point that I am a...Continue »
In growing up one of my primary motivators to earning good marks in school was my parents – simply because I feared disappointed them, and when I did get a low mark they didn’t seem to be very happy with me at all.
I remember at least two times when I’ve begun to cry in despair due to me feeling that the grade ...Continue »
How are stressed people portrayed in this world? Partly their portrayed as people that get many things done – that have lot’s of responsibilities, and are within that being productive – that’s why their stressed – their running from activity, to activity trying to get as much done as possible; but is this in-fact so? I mean – do stressed people get more things done that non-stressed people?
Here I can take a look at myself and ask myself this Continue »
An interesting point that I’ve noticed as I’ve studied for tests here at the university is that – when I’ve spent much time preparing myself – being diligent, and specific about knowing, and comprehending each detail of the course that I’ve read – is that I will fear not getting the be...Continue »
This is the second post in my new series that started yesterday – in which I will walk through the point of test-anxiety – and remove this point from my life. It will be a series of around twenty blogs wherein I will go into the detail of how I’ve created this particular experience towards taking tests.
Looking at how I experienced myself in relation to tests when I was younger, I am able to see that it was the exact same thing – before each test I usually became very nervous, and a...Continue »
This is my fifth term at the university and I’ve still not been able to effectively remove the test-anxiety I experience at the end of each semester when the final test is being held. Every time I become nervous, and filled with anxiety – and what I tend to do is that I stress-read, and simply overdo my studies to the extent where I study for up to 10 hours on a day – and then afterwards I am totally exhausted – because I’ve gone into my studying so intensively that I’ve not considered my ...Continue »
I’ve now been to the university for about two years, and during this time I’ve had many realizations about what it means to communicate, and interact with other people – and recently I’ve had a break-through in relation to this point – and this is what I will share here.
When I first came to the university I found it to be a cold, and desolate place – apparently it was superficial, shallow, and I c...Continue »
An interesting point that opened up a couple of days – was a experience of feeling unjustly attacked.
The context was as follows: I was at work – driving my taxi around – in stepped a customer – an old lady – and with her was a helper. Before I started to drive I asked the old lady if she wanted to pay now, or as we got to the destination. When I said this the helper immediately in...Continue »