Martijn de Graaf's profile

Martijn de Graaf

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Desteni I Process Martijn is a Desteni I Process Recruiter. If you like what he does,
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Latest Vlogs by Martijn

Martijn's blog

  • self writing (Dutch)

    I haven't been 'writing myself to freedom' or 'self writing' and writing selfforgivenesses other than in my mind constructs. Sunette indicated that these are applications of care: "caring for myself is paying attention to myself, and this I do with writing/self forgiveness". So I give it a go.
    Ik schrijf om aandacht aan mezelf te schenken. Ik ben nu al een paar keer op mijn nieuwe werkplek geweest die de gemeente mij heeft toegewezen in het kader van een nieuwe wet. Ik vind 't leuk weer 's...
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  • Electrical currents - Self forgiveness

    I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to act from the starting point of the electrical currents I feel in my chest, instead of from self as self direction.I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to initiate action to try and get away from the feeling of the electrical currentsI forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to feel excited by the electrical currentsI forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to enjoy this excitementI forgive my... Continue »
  • hiding in fear

    I remembered as a child I would occasionally have these strange energies running through my chest, like lines of electricity. I had no idea what it was that I experienced and in the end I developed fear to hide away in fear when these energies would appear.I forgot about the energies and hiding in fear became normal. In time I forgot about/suppressed the fear and the only thing left was my body showing me by tightening my nose making the breath difficult that something was the matter.So I'm w... Continue »
  • two extremities of the money system

    I looked around me and I realized: all of these things are here for profit. And I saw that all stuff exists between two extremes: fear of having no money to survive on the one end and desire for maximum profit on the other end. The latter meaning that a product will have the least content for the highest possible price. And the first one meaning that the worker isn't producing stuff because he enjoys the process or the product. The result is that we don't get the best quality possible and tha... Continue »
  • visit to the Desteni farm

    Hi, my name is Martijn de Graaf, 54, I finished high school in 1976. Last year (2010) I visited Desteni farm. I stayed one month as part of my SRA training (DIP). I had been traveling abroad before and I had been working and living on farms before, and I had been working with groups of people before, so I felt quite comfortable at the farm. I recognized Bernard from a photo on the internet someone told me about. He told me to take it easy but then he found out that I wasn't nervous. But later... Continue »
  • debunking spiritual quotes

    "You are living in a dream of your own creation. Let it be the dream of a lifetime, for that is exactly what it is." by  Neale Donald Walsch  when will we wake up then? And, if this isn't real, what is? I agree that we live in a picture world because of the mind and therefor we don't see the physical reality direct. But the physical is pretty real . I have physical needs and I cannot say it is a dream, the needs are real. My actions have real consequences that others can experi... Continue »
  • agreement update

    suddenly, while I was working at my girlfriend's place, I asked myself what am I doing this for. I felt a lack in commitment.
    late in the evening we had a conversation, we saw that she is holding back 'because there's always the possibility of you leaving me alone". I said I reckon this is for the rest of my life, so we aren't equally standing in this.
    During the next day, while she was gone for work, I felt some anger, and I said to myself this cannot go on as it is. I either quit or I...

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  • relationship update

    suddenly, while I was working at my girlfriend's place, I asked myself what am I doing this for. I felt a lack in commitment.
    late in the evening we had a conversation, we saw that she is holding back 'because there's always the possibility of me leaving her alone. I said I reckon this is for the rest of my life, so we aren't equally standing in this.
    During the next day, while she was gone for work, I felt some anger, and I said to myself this cannot go on as it is. I either quit or I ...

    Continue »
  • beer

    At my girlfriend's street, a neighborhood's barbecue was held. A tradition of 9 years, once in a year at someone's place and for the first time it was in my girlfriend's garden. So I sat their and quite some alcohol was being consumed, everyone having a good time. At some point I decided to have a beer, I had hesitated because I wasn't looking forward to feeling tipsy, I hadn't had any alcohol for like 1 year and 1/2 or maybe 2 years, so I wasn't used to it at all. I just would like to enj...

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  • slave

    I was making sandwiches for my girlfriend to take to work, and while I was busy I felt myself a slave. I noticed how I enjoyed the energetic thrill that goes with it: fear mixed with anxiety and expectation of approval or criticism. Driven by this energy i worked fast and efficiently. Although I didn't really have an overview of the totality of what needed to be done, because I existed in limitation, as a slave. I noticed it and I didn't stop myself in the moment, which showed that I had subm... Continue »