My Story with gaining Muscles and the Physical design. • Desteni - Group of people exploring Equality & Oneness principles

My Story with gaining Muscles and the Physical design.




I amcurrently 22 years old and 1.77m tall, I weigh 64kg, before joining Desteni Iwas 18 years old and was 1.72m tall and weighed 55kg.
Where doesthe Idea come from that how big your muscles are determines how strong you are,and why it is connected with looking good. 
I have beenoccupied with this point for most of my life, gaining muscles and looking goodand having the strength that comes with size. 
It isinteresting how such a point can consume people’s life’s such my own life,where I would literally have thoughts beliefs and idea about myself and thewhole concept daily, comparing myself constantly and actually at times getdepressed about it.
It takes somuch time so much effort and it actually becomes a possession, I can confirmthis with myself when I look into my past and how it all was created and why,So I will take you on a journey back in time. 
I was borninto this world with nothing, no thoughts or any memory, I had no comparisonsand no judgments and muscles, well it simply did not exist yet as my mind consciousness,but physically it did/does lol.
So as Igrew up and I played around in the garden I would run and kick balls and climbthings and jump on couches and just be a little rascal. 
Doing allof this and more activities as a Kid I wasn’t concerned about doing itaccording to my muscles and if my muscles can allow me to do it.
Forexample, what people do when they are older is, they look at something thatneeds to be done such as digging a hole or climbing a tree and the first thingthey look at is, do I have the muscles and the fitness to do this, instead ofth3e physical and what is real/actual and are you able, the size of muscles doesn’thave any relevance with in this. 
So why as akid wasn’t this a concern at all (muscles linked to what I can do and cannot) andas A kid I simply did it without any thought, this is all between the ages of 2to 7 years old, in this same period the limitations came in, the fears and theideas and beliefs. 
Here ishow, if I look at my own life back then ,it will give me the timeline and theplayout that took place for the events that flowed out from it, is the resultof who I am now over time. 
I rememberat the age of 6 when family came over for a party or a birthday or simply a gettogether we all would have fun, my cousins would be there and they are muchbigger and older than me and all the other uncles and aunts would be there. 
They usedto play with me and run and make jokes and laugh and just enjoy, with in thisthere were moments that all the adults would sit around and just talk and saythings and share thing and gossip, I would sit there as well and just listen.
As they allget out of stuff to say they tend to look at the children for entertainment aswe had unlimited energy at that stage lol, 
And Iremember my uncles and aunts would ask me questions, to see what a six year oldwould answer, they would get my answer and it would become like a game, it endsup with them asking me how strong are you Gian, and I would say I don’t know,they would then say well show us your arm muscles,  I would rip out my arm and I would pop my armmuscle for them. (obviously there was nothing but normality, even with all theactivities I do) 
As they areadults they have no choice but to give me a young kid credit, they would say,wow Gian you are strong, can I feel it, and they would come to me and feel mymuscle, I would then feel proud and like I have achieved something. 
So here Imade the connection that to determine how strong I am I have to have bigmuscles, I mean the adults related it this way so it must be this way. 
 Afterwards I would not give it more thoughtand it would be over, it was fun but it’s over.
So as I gotolder and I went to school where there were more kids and lots of competitionall the time, comparison becomes a part of the schooling, because there are somany kids with all kinds of different body builds and different physicalexpressions. 
Thecomparing did not happen consciously as thoughts it happened sub consciouslythrough certain events that took place, I would for instance participate in asport and not get a place in the game because I do not have the strength orsize of the other kids, this made me feel insecure and less than and it wasn’t reallybecause I was smaller or not as strong, it was because I simply just wasn’t asgood in skill lol. It was all my own perception. 
I have asmall built, in body fat and I do not have a big bone structure, It always feltlike other kids just always had more body then me, and physically it was likethat, they were taller, wider (broader shoulders etc) and They had more naturalstrength than me because of their size, I had speed and flexibility.
I judgedmyself a lot from the age seven on as I was only able to do athletics accordingto my body built.
When allthe kids my age started maturing, such as getting beards and hair everywhereand their voices would break and they would actually look and seem different, Idid not go through this with them all. 
When I gotto high school I started doing more and more sports that I could, moreathletics (I did up to 7 items every year) and I continued playing tennis andstarted playing hockey and I did do Rugby for one year in grade 11 for thefirst team and second team and I did chess but that’s not really active, Itried cricket but it was really too boring.
The mainthing I did at the age of sixteen was going to gym, I went to the gym everyweek 5 times, I ate three good meals a day and I drank USN Muscle Grow proteinshake with tablets, I was serious about gaining muscles and a lot more strength. 
I did thisfor two years straight with my older brother (going to the gym) my brotherbecame twice the size he was and I only tippled in strength and body tone,every muscle in my body was visible and strong.
This wasn’tgood enough for me because I have the strength but no muscles to show that Ihave it.I was ableto lift 26kg weights in each arm, I bench pressed 60kg and I was able to domore than 100 pushups and 200 sit ups, and I never counted any of the other exercisesbut it was a lot, I gained respect in the gym because people were amazed bywhat I can do with my tiny stick like body LOL.
And I was riding my bike a lot at least 40 Kilometers a week (from my home tothe Gym and to friends houses all across town)
This wasnot enough for me, I wanted to look big and strong, not just be strong. So afterall this I started hating myself more and more, I wasn’t getting what othershad naturally, I wanted to be like the rest, other kids would gym for threemonths and they would improve in such a way you can visually see it on the bodysize they have.
At the age of 18 2008 9th July I came to Destenifarm..

So after coming to Desteni and still being here right now, something happened,coming here broke all my patterns and the way I was living, the way I participatedevery day, and this changed a lot.
I stoppedGym (obviously) and i actually started relaxing, changing my pattern made itable for me to relax more, within six months I gained 8Kg, this I could notbelieve because I tried so hard all my life and here I get it in six months withoutany protein shakes and supplement and no gym. 
How is thispossible, I even gained 5cm in high in this time, I then seriously startedlooking at myself and why this would happen so suddenly? 
Was itbecause of my age and I was simply growing more within that specific timeperiod, I do not believe in coincidences. 
Check this out - How thoughts create Physical reality.
I gainedmuscle and height through relaxing, through stopping the comparison and all the selfjudgments and all the self abuse such as hate speech towards myself and obviouslyI stopped using all my bodies energy in thoughts/thinking (on the subject ofmuscles/comparison/looking good etc) and started living more here in thephysical, as we all should know, thinking uses 80% of your bodies energy, allthis energy now was able to go to the body and support the body because Istopped all the other crap, through changing my patterns, through selfforgiveness etc, stopping these patterns and forms of self abuse can beachieved with Desteni through the SRA course that we have.
So I hopethis gives one a more clear view on how we are brainwashed, If I never wentinto self judgment at the age of 7 about my body through events that occurred, Iwould not have created all the thoughts and feeling and emotions that come withit, and My body would have gotten all the energy it needs instead of my mind, andI would have grown naturally, this is what the farm exposed to me, once Istopped the patterns of thoughts feeling and emotions and the livingapplication of this self judgment, my body grew. The most ofthe other kids did not have the same as me, they were in the same school fromthe beginning with all the same friends, and thus acceptance was already therefor them in those stages, I came from a little town far away and was placed ina new school with everyone new and everything, this was more of a challenge forme to gain acceptance and thus I allowed self judgment with in me instead ofself acceptance.
I created my own limitations and everything that came with it through brainwashing myselfwith all the ideas and beliefs in my head through constantly repeating it tomyself as judgments, I created my own insecurities and self hate.
Through theact of going to the gym I was actually telling myself I am ugly and thus I actuallyaccepted and allowed myself as being ugly, not good enough, and that I need tobecome more, and thus my body remained the way I saw myself in my mind as myown judgments, to show to me what I am accepting and allowing within me and tomanifest in this world.
This is “mystory”, look at yourself and be self honest and forgive yourself. 
Summary:
So the sizeof muscles does not determine your strength (as I proved this greatly to myselfby now) and the size of your body has nothing to do with what you can do (as Ihave proven to myself greatly by now), it is all mind created ideas and beliefsbased on past experiences that now has set a limitation on you in the presentthrough constantly holding onto it as enslavement/limitations, and looking sexywith muscles is completely irrelevant with in what matters as life. 
Check out this for more support -  Get Real, Stay Real, Be  Physical
Take intoconsideration, I was still at a young age and growth was still possible andstill is, since males can grow till the age of 24 (or is that also onlybrainwashing) I will test it out and see how I grow in the next few years as Istop the mind and live here one and equal in the physical with me, noexpectations!! This will create another mind fuck, accept you as your physicaland change it if you are not satisfied and use your body in which way it ismost practical physically and then start challenging your “weaknesses” and letgo of the mind created limitations.
If you dieyour body becomes dust, who will you be then? One and Equal as life, or anidea, image and likeness of the mind that got deleted at death. 
If you want support with your problems that is similar, get this book - Virus Free Mind, (click to follow link) I red it and it really gives you a new way of looking at things and makes it easier for you to let go and start the process of change.