Sawdust from a shredded forest, glued together by toxic chemicals, covered in some plastic oil product stolen from a trashed nation, put together by slave labour, specially designed to fall to pieces, a consignment of flat-packed kitchen units. Fucked up world products.
Ok I said, I’ll do it. I was glad to get some work. I put my tools together and headed over to the site.
It was a rushed job. The house was being moved into, decorated and re-fitted at the same time. I walked ...Continue »
How to rate the opportunity to exist? I have no vocabulary for that.
Enough to say that it is really really really times infinity important!
What I know about Life is that Life demands to Live. Who am I in that? And who am I towards the Desteni methods of access to Living Self in fact in Physical Reality?
Lol. I had to drag myself to this table and to this blank piece of paper! Lol, that’s not Life at all, that is mind system stuff, it’s fear.
It’s interesting ho...Continue »
Reading again this book, ‘Sanity, Madness and the Family’ (R.D Laing & A. Esterson), a collection of recorded interviews with 11 families. Each family had the common feature of having a child defined as ‘psychotic’ or ‘schizophrenic’ and had been subsequently hospitalized. Here we get not only an insight into the machinations of family brainwashing, but also a historic dimension in which we get a glimpse of the inheritance of systems from the next generation back. Here we enter i...Continue »
Re: watching Sunette’s video, 2012: Overwhelmed with Tears by Media
In the movies these moments arrive in me mostly not as tear-jerking but often as that same wave up from the gut and through the chest and up behind the eyes, into the roofs of the eyes. That’s where I stop it, I realize that I have gone...Continue »
I was talking to Manda about separation and I noticed in the sound of the word as I spoke it, a kind of flatness, a kind of uncertainty, as if it was a technicality or a piece of jargon, something which I could not stand wholly in the meaning of.
And I realized that it’s only from this starting point of where I am as me here being actually here in awareness of myself here as me that I see and realize the meaning of this word ‘separation’.
Because if I am ...Continue »
In a moment my head turns smoothly as if dragged by the swivelling of my eyes, towards a window, towards a patch of sky, and I realize that I am looking for a reference to this belief in the existence of a door into another world. There are still the remnants of that illusion in my system. There is no way out of here, no way out of the totality of this projection which is me. Checking for a ‘ray’ of hope in the world is an activity of ego worship, in which I am promoting the continuation o...Continue »
2012: Me and expression of me.
Again, tainted with fear, this experience of writing out a string of words according to the language of the mind in which communication of physical reality is programmed to be impossible. The automatic sequences of mind-words only seem to accumulate into a lie, or something tangential to what I attempt to express as me. And so I face myself again within judgement of myself that the life I live within these words is not life at all and therefore with...Continue »
It is inevitable that in unraveling my own accepted knots and restrictions that I should come to this issue of family. Or in a way that this issue should come to me in the form of an obstruction, a realization of the difficulty of being part of and participating in and with a real group of beings as equal as me as life is the same difficulty that I accepted as a justification, excuse for not allowing myself to be myself within my starting point in this world as an ‘aspect’ of my family. Continue »
It’s like being unable to go to a cinema without being able to resist becoming a part of the film. Apparently ‘Testing out my stability’, I turn on the radio letting the multiple voice of the establishment as the BBC flood into the silence of my room.
Looking at this situation now I see the momentary dissatisfaction that I have allowed within myself within the silence of the room. So the starting point of this ‘stability test’ was in seeking out distraction.
This is about me ...Continue »