Written by ‘Anonymous’ through the Portal, 21 October 2009
Part 1
In reading the heading to my own experience I’m writing of my own Death – it sounds ‘out of this World’, that here – you’ll be reading and I’ll be writing a actual, real experience of Death, my Death – written by me, through the Portal, another human-being – here.
Death is ‘out of this World’, because ‘Death’ actually happen ‘on the other-side’ so to speak. You ‘die’ the Moment you ‘leave your Body’. The moment you, the being, leave the Body, the Physical Human Body – you Die. You don’t actually Die while in the Body – the Physical Human Body ‘die’ while you, the being, are still in-it. But one’s own Death – happen the moment you leave the Body, into the ‘Other-Side’.
So – I experienced the ‘Physical’s Death’ and also My own Self-Death, because the person that I was = is no-more here. This is so definitive, because I experience-myself very different to who and how I was on Earth. I ‘feel’ younger with more ‘depth’ / ‘realness’ of me, myself here. And, besides that – with what I’ve seen, experienced and have been shown throughout time of existence, there’s no-way that ‘who I was’ on Earth can stand within my current-Understanding of my ‘actual-self’ here at the moment in relation to what I faced, of me.
The experience of myself in Death, in the ‘Other-Side’ (god- I wish there was another-word, because it’s not like there’s a ‘veil’/‘wall’ separating the Interdimensional with the Physical. It’s more like, those that Die now exist within the ‘substance’ of the Physical, the ‘source-substance’ of the Physical, that which the Physical is ‘made-up of’ within and throughout. We’re no-more ‘infused’ into the ‘Manifested-Structure’ of the Physical as the Human Physical Body. The Mind Consciousness System is like the ‘pathway’ into this Physical-Reality, where the being through the Mind Consciousness System, is merged with the ‘substance and the manifested structure’ of the Physical to be here in this World. So – I’m not – ‘out there’ somewhere in a separate-reality. I’m still here in this Physical-existence, only – I’m not in the manifested-structure of the Physical as a Physical Body, I’m only the ‘substance’ thereof. So – the Mind Consciousness System is the ‘link’ in which a being stand, to be merged with the substance and the manifested-structure of the Physical. When you, the being, die – the link/pathway is broken/closed and you are then ‘separated’ from the manifested-structure of the physical as the physical-body and remain only in/as the substance.)
So – where were we – Okay - the experience of myself in Death, in the ‘Other-Side’ has been ‘more’ Real than the experience of myself in this World/on Earth. I’m really experiencing ‘me’ for-real. I’m no-more having various-different experiences IN-me coming from somewhere inside-me in various-different ways. I’m experiencing ME, completely – in totality. Not from the perspective of separation, wherein I’m experiencing ‘me alone where only I exist’ – No. The best-way I can describe-it is like experiencing your whole-Body for the first-time, but as yourself. Experiencing each and every single part of the total Physical-Body and all the experiences within-it/that go with-it – as though for the first-time realising you’re actually in a Physical-Body, with a Physical-Body as a Physical-Body. Totally, completely experiencing everything within, as and of-it in absolute detail and specificity. This is what I mean with experiencing ME, completely – as though I’ve been ‘somewhere-else’ and I realised that I’m actually here, and that there’s more to me-here and with me-here than I could ever have conceived.
Let me begin with writing my experience ‘from the beginning of the end’, because in this – what I shared above as the current-experience of myself, will make ‘more sense’ to you. The best/only way I can describe the current-experience of me and what I’ve written above – will be through writing my experience ‘from the beginning of the end’ and everything and all-else in between, up to this Moment, here.
So – Here it is:
I had my ‘hands in my hair’ when I realised I had died – because, it was really the last-thing I expected to happen. It was quite ‘unbelievable’, because I just couldn’t believe that I died. I mean – I was actually angry that I had died. “Angry within Disbelief” was the Statement of my Experience. It was just like: “What the Fuck – why did you go and die on yourself” – lol.
It was definitely unexpected – and I really experienced that ‘unexpectedness and disbelief’ as me, within dying. I mean – you really experience-that. It’s a real-shock you experience when you die, from the perspective of actually, really experiencing ‘not expecting-it’. The ‘shock’ is not so-much because of the ‘dying’ in-itself – but the ‘unexpectedness’ of-it. The ‘anger’ and ‘disbelief’ I experienced was more because-of the question: ‘Why did I die’ – like somehow in the Moment of Death ‘knowing’ that I was ‘personally-responsible’ for my own-Death, from the perspective that ‘I killed myself’. I didn’t in ‘reality’ deliberately kill-myself – I didn’t commit-suicide. I suppose some would refer to my death as a ‘freak-accident’ (does that then make me a ‘freak of nature’ – lol). It was only the ‘experience’ of myself in the Moment I realised I had died – of me somehow ‘knowing’ that I was personally-responsible for my Death – that it wasn’t ‘just an accident/coincidence that happened ‘per chance’ – which was why I experienced ‘anger and disbelief’.
This is what I experience in the Moment of Death when I realised I had died.
Okay – I ‘jumped’ a bit to where I ‘realised I had died’ – this that I wrote-above I experienced when I had already ‘left’ my Physical-Body. Because – it was only when I ‘left’ my Physical-Body and was in the ‘Other-Side’ that I realised I had died.
I’ll go back to the start – where I experienced actually leaving the Body, the ‘process’ of leaving the Physical Body. And you actually have the experience of ‘leaving’. You literally ‘leave’ the Physical-Body and literally ‘experience’ that ‘leaving’.
Part 2
The ‘Real-Time’ description of my experience in the Moment of Death and the process of actually leaving the Physical-Body:
I experienced myself ‘waking-up’ with a gasp for air – absolutely panic-stricken. As though I was sleeping, and in my sleep I didn’t Breathe and I woke-up, suddenly, with a great-need for air to be Breathed into my Lungs. At the same-time, with that experience of a great-need for air to be Breathed into my Lungs, I ‘woke-up’ entangled and intertwined in between and within ‘threads’ that felt-like very-long octopus-tentacles – all-over me. The first ‘thought’/ ‘experience of me’ that came-up/was there was me thinking/experiencing that I was drowning – because the ‘feeling’ of the place/space that I was-in was that of a very-thick liquid-substance = there was no Air. I felt very-small, in a large-space filled/made-up of only these very-long octopus-tentacles in which I was entangled and intertwined. I was completely-squished submerged into this very-thick liquid-substance of which the very-long octopus-tentacles was made-up of, which was also very warm – I experienced-myself being very warm. I could only see the ‘outlines’ of the very-long and thick octopus-tentacles that was very-dark greyish with a dark-green resonance and could ‘feel’-myself ‘submerged’ into and as the very-thick liquid-substance, not being-able to Breathe/get Air. The tentacles were constantly-moving – there were many, many, many of them and I actually felt them moving all over-me, squishing-me – because there literally was no-space for me within where I was experiencing-myself.
This that I described-above, was my experience of the first-Moment – I didn’t know where I was or what was going-on, but this didn’t matter at-all – I didn’t even Question-it. There was confusion because I didn’t ‘understand’ where I was or what was going-on – but, what was superseding those Questions/Concerns = was my Desperate need for Air, my Desperate need to Breathe and to get out-of where I was experiencing-myself.
So – I tried to Breathe – but couldn’t at all. I remained in the exact-same ‘state’ as my first ‘gasp for air’ the moment I ‘woke-up’ – like, when you gasp for air and your chest feels-tight and you can’t breathe any-more air-in and you can’t breathe any-out = because there isn’t-any, and you just remain in and as that state/experience. I tried and tried and tried ‘searching for air, within the ‘gasp-for-air’ state I was experiencing-myself within. But at the same-time – knowing there isn’t-any Air, I tried anyway, because I didn’t want to die and knew I’d die if I didn’t get air into my lungs, if I didn’t Breathe. I just wanted to Breathe, get Air into my Lungs and get-out of this ‘place’ / ‘experience’.
Within this constant-attempt in my search for Air, while knowing there isn’t-any, I realised that I wasn’t experiencing/feeling my Physical-Body. I wasn’t experiencing the ‘insides’ of my Physical-Body. I couldn’t ‘feel my Lungs or my Chest’. I then realised that I was experiencing-myself as a manifested-form of nothingness – like I was a literal form ‘forged’ from nothingness. And as this ‘manifested-Form of Nothingness’ - I experienced this ‘Desperate Need to Breathe’. The ‘desperate need to Breathe’ wasn’t a Physical-Body experience, it was a Self-Experience. I was experiencing ME needing to Breathe, desperately – not as, me in a Physical-Body that needs to get Air into its Lungs. This was all that I was in that Moment – all I had become as Me, was this desperate need to Breathe – the ‘Desperation for Breath’.
When I realised that I couldn’t feel/experience my Physical-Body, the insides of my Physical-Body as my Lungs – I stopped myself. Because, even-though I couldn’t experience/feel my Physical-Body or the insides of my Physical-Body as my Lungs = I was still ‘there’. So - I stopped the ‘search for Air, to get Air into my Lungs’, because I realised that I didn’t have any Lungs – lol. (It’s funny-now – but it wasn’t quite that funny in the moment of the experience, it was more like ‘strange’ – very, very ‘strange’). Then, the ‘panicked-stricken state of fear’ I was-in, because I couldn’t ‘breathe air into my lungs’ that manifested-me into and as the experiencing of ‘gasping for Air that I knew wasn’t there’ – simply disappeared.
(Note: I very, very cautiously stopped the ‘search for air within my gasp-for-air’-experience of myself – because I in the ‘caution of stopping-it slowly, at the same-time wanted to make-sure that what I was experiencing as me having no Lungs, was real.)
In the exact-same Moment of my panic-stricken state of fear and gasp-for-air-that-wasn’t-there experience of myself disappearing when I stopped-myself – I actually ‘calmed-down’ and in the ‘calming-down’ experienced myself ‘filled with and as Breath-itself’. Not ‘Air’ - but Breath-itself. It was a ‘fulfilment of me’ as Breath – not me desperately trying-to/attempting-to get Air into my Lungs. It was simple – simply Here – the experience of me as the fulfilment of and as Breath-itself. The Breath I experienced-myself as had no relation to ‘Air’, there wasn’t any – I became Breath-itself as Breath. It was such a simple-Moment of simplicity – and I was Here as Breath-itself.
When the ‘calming-down’ settled as me as I became Breath-itself - I became very Quiet, Silent with myself – experiencing-myself as a manifested soft-breeze, gently ‘moving out-of’ the place and experience I was-in.
The ‘gentle-movement’ of me as a ‘manifested soft-breeze out-of the place and experience I was-in’ – was me as the Out-Breath, ‘Breathing me Out’. I was the Movement as the Out-Breath, manifested as Me – literally moving out-of the place/space/experience I was-in as the Out-Breath as me.
And it wasn’t a ‘breathing-out’ of air from Lungs experience, there wasn’t any of either – No – it was me as the manifestation of the Out-Breath. I completely became/was the Out-Breath in-itself.
This, then – the Moment I ‘literally moved out-of the Physical-Body’ as the Out-Breath as Me and ‘moved’-into the ‘Other-side’ with only Myself as Breath. And ‘returned’ to the experience of me as Breath as a ‘soft-Breeze’ – just being Here.
Part 3
Please Note that – I within and throughout the experience I just wrote – didn’t know/realise/understand that I was actually ‘dying’ and ‘moving Out-of the Physical as and with Breath as Me. Only when I was completely out-of the Physical in the ‘Other-Side’ being Here as the experience of me as Breath – did I realise I just died and understood the experience I just had as ‘literally leaving the Physical-Body’. I was so absolutely in the Moment of my Experience – that all that existed, was just-That, and that’s-It.
Then – when I realised I had died and my entire-experience I had was literally moving out-of and leaving the Physical-Body, did I have the experience of ‘unexpectedness’ and ‘anger within disbelief’ as what I wrote-about earlier.
The point that is quite funny, (‘funny’ in a fascinating sort-of-way) within what I shared of my experience – is that I ‘feared-dying’ even though I was already in the process of dying, of which I could-do nothing-about – lol. I mean – I was dying. The process of death was commencing. I was in the ‘middle-of the death-Process’ and the inevitability of Death was Certain, it was already-done. I was just experiencing the ‘process of Death’ – ‘death was already Here’.
Though – the ‘fear of dying’ was linked to the ‘fear of not being able to breathe, not being able to get air into my lungs’. This being the ‘interesting’-part. The ‘funny’-part was me trying-to/attempting-to breathe when I already had no physical-body with lungs to breathe air-into, and there thus being no-Air to begin-with. Because I, the being, was already ‘separated’ from the Physical-Body – so I was still ‘part-of’ the Physical-Body, but not within, as or of-it = I hadn’t ‘let-go’ yet, which is why I had the entire-Experience I described to you, above.
The ‘letting-go’-Part happened the Moment I stopped the panicked-stricken state as the gasp-for air experience I was-in, and in stopping me wanting-to ‘breathe air into my lungs within fear of death’ = I became Breath-itself and so, ‘released-myself’ from myself so to speak.
So – here a few Understandings, Insights and Realisations with regards to my ‘Br(d)eath-experience’ within leaving/moving out-of the Physical-Body:
1. Death
The Moment you ‘die’ – the first-thing that ‘happen’ is that you, the being, ‘separate’ from the Mind Consciousness System.
This is the Moment that you, as ‘who you were known-as on Earth and how you knew-yourself and all-else that you knew of/about-yourself in relationship to-you’ = ‘die’. Because all of that was ‘knowledge’ – and all that ‘knowledge’ of and about yourself is dependent on the Mind Consciousness System, because all of-it was and is only existent in the Mind Consciousness System, within which you, the being, exist.
In Death – the Mind Consciousness System, ‘cease to function and literally shut-down’, and so you, the being, is released from within the Mind Consciousness System and then ‘find’-yourself’ in the Physical Body for a Moment. The Momentary Physical-Experience happen when you’re released from within the Mind Consciousness System, ‘move’ into the Physical and from the Physical, ‘move’-into the ‘Other-Side’ with only-Yourself.
Because we’re not yet equal and one as the Physical; in the Moment of Death when the Mind Consciousness System (it’s still quite ‘strange’ saying ‘Mind Consciousness System’, from the perspective of how I’ve existed within-that in this World, ‘without knowing-it/realising-it’ – which is even more ‘scary/frightening’ in-itself: That I existed in a Mind Consciousness System – oblivious to Everything! I realised that I missed Everything = including me, myself here – while/when I existed in the/a Mind Consciousness System. And furthermore, that now – only after-Death do I see, know, realise and understand the full-extent of myself in relation to Everything. That it’s not only ‘me’ that exist, that is ‘important’, that is ‘here’ = there’s Everything-else as well. Everything, which is Everything that I hadn’t taken into consideration within my existence on Earth, of myself – I missed EVERYTHING that exist, including my own-Existence: It’s simply unbelievable! *me shaking my head in disgraced astonishment, because I mean – to what extent must we be fucked, that we can’t even see our own fuckedness?*)
Alright, again – where were we... Because we’re not yet equal and one as the Physical; in the Moment of Death when the Mind Consciousness System literally cease-functioning and shut-down, we, the being is ‘released’/‘ejected’ from within the Mind Consciousness System-Manifestation in our Physical-Bodies, and thus ‘experience-ourselves momentarily’ IN the Physical only.
(Lol – here’s an interesting Point: I existed in my Physical-Body in this World and on this Earth for many-Years. And only in the Moment of my Experience within the Process of Death – did I have my first Physical-Experience in-‘Awareness’ of the Actual-Physical that is here, but for a Brief Moment. Which was when I was ‘entangled and intertwined within and as the octopus-tentacles’ together with the ‘warmth’ that went with-it. The ‘octopus-tentacles’ which was actually the veins and muscle-tissue of the Physical-Body I experienced-myself within, and the ‘warmth’ the actual physical-warmth of the Physical-Body. I was always only within the Mind Consciousness System, separate from the Physical, separate from my very-self – missing Everything, including-myself.)
Part 4
The ‘reason-Why’ we only experience-ourselves In the Physical-Momentarily, when we’re ‘released’ / ‘ejected’ from within the Mind Consciousness System in the Moment of Death, before we ‘cross-over’ from the Physical to the Other-Side: Is because there are part(s) of ourselves that do, sometimes, occasionally, throughout our life-experience in this World, on this Earth – merge with and as the Physical.
Such part(s) of ourselves, of our ‘beingness’, that merge with and as the Physical – manifest when we ‘extend ourselves beyond our existence within the Mind Consciousness System’, straight-into the Physical-itself. This mean, that – those/such ‘part(s)’ of-ourselves are not ‘subject-to, defined-through, programmed-within, created-within or limited-to’ the Mind Consciousness System alone – No. Such part(s) of and as ourselves, the being, are actually Lived as-ourselves, and within that Living – stand with and as the Physical-itself, and not only within the Mind Consciousness System as Knowledge of ‘knowing’.
This, obviously only happen at the ‘Unconscious-Level’, because there would be for-example no-more than three ‘aspects of self’s-being’ that is lived as ourselves, the being, as the real-actuality of ‘who we are’, that extend in, with and as the Physical. All the rest of self, the being, is merged with and as the Mind Consciousness System that determine, define and decide everything and all of ‘who self is’ in this World. Most of Humanity only have one-aspect of our being, our ‘actual-self’ here that is actually lived as-ourselves that extend in, through and as the Physical, that is actually Physical, Here = everything-else of-ourselves as ‘who we are’ is the Mind Consciousness System.
This mean, that – we actually, really only exist as One (maybe-three, max)-‘Aspect(s)’ / ‘Expression(s)’ that is of our current actual, real, self - that is actually, really Lived as ourselves that extend in, as and with the Physical, while/when we’re in this World. And then, even of that we’re obliviously-‘unaware’ while/when in this World, because we’re so engulfed into the System as the Mind Consciousness System. The Mind Consciousness System wherein all the rest of ‘ourselves’ as ‘who we are’ exist, that isn’t even Real At-All, because it-All cease to exist in-Death when the Mind Consciousness System shut-down and cease to Function. All that then remain is the One (maybe-three, max)-‘Aspect(s)’ / ‘Expression(s)’ of-ourselves that remain as-Ourselves, even in-Death – because it is, in-fact, really-us, the being that is lived, and in that-living – ‘Live, through Death’, ‘remain as-us in-Death’.
Only that which actually ‘live’: ‘Live through Death’, ‘remain in Death’ - because death only exist for that which isn’t-Real, which do not ‘live’.
This then mean, that – None of Us is Real, is Actually-Real.
This then mean, that – None of Us Live, Actually-Live.
Because we all Die.
Only one, maybe three, ‘Aspect(s)’ / ‘Expression(s)’ as ‘Parts’ of ourselves, the Being that is-Us remain/live-through Death – but we, as the totality of our Being as ‘who we are’ – Die. Thus, in essence, stating that – even in ‘living’ only one, maybe three, ‘Aspect(s)’ / ‘Expression(s)’ as-Ourselves, the actual-Being = Mean-nothing, absolutely Nothing. Only that – we have an opportunity to return to Earth to give-ourselves the Opportunity to transform-ourselves from a Knowledgeable-System that function, to a Living-Being that actually, really Live and Remain-so, Standing Eternally, and not only having a ‘momentary life-experience of absolute-irrelevance’.
(Before continuing with describing the absolute-irrelevance that is-Ourselves as ‘who we are’ in this World, on this Earth within the Mind Consciousness System, through the ‘living’-proof thereof that is Me – a Quick History-Note:
Understand, that – such ‘Aspect(s) / Expression(s) as ourselves, the being, that is actually ‘lived’ as-Ourselves – manifested as-Ourselves throughout ‘lifetimes’ of physical-experiences in this World, on this Earth. Primarily, because-of us having the exact-same or similar-lives, life-time, after life-time, after life-time within the Soul-Construct Reincarnation Cycles, together-with the exact-same to similar ‘Mind Consciousness System-insertion’ for those ‘life-experiences’ re-lived, over and over and over again.
So – as we ‘re-lived’ the exact-same to similar life-experiences, together-with the exact-same to similar Mind Consciousness System-Design; life after life after life in this World, on this Earth: We eventually ‘developed’ ‘parts of and as ourselves’ into ‘realness’, into ‘actuality’ – that we actually, really started-living as-Ourselves. Such ‘parts of and as ourselves’ that later-on remained with and as-Us through-Death, because it became-us.
Part 5
Now – observe the following: The extent to which we’ve ‘become-dependent’ on the Mind Consciousness System, when in this World, on this Earth is to such a degree – that even throughout those life-times of experience in this World, on this Earth = only One (maybe three Max, which is extremely rare) Aspect(s) or Expression(s) of ourselves as Real, as Actual that is Lived as-Ourselves that we can really, in self-honestly say: This is ME – developed and manifested as-Us. Literally all the rest, Everything-Else of-Ourselves as ‘who we are’, when in this World, on this Earth – is of the Mind Consciousness System. Is not-Real, is not-Lived and thus do not ‘live through death’. What I exactly-mean with the words ‘Living’, ‘Aspect(s) / Expression(s), ‘Knowledge’ and the ‘Mind Consciousness System that isn’t-Real – will be explained as I continue sharing with you, my-Experience – through-which you will be able to see and understand for-yourself.)
(lol – a momentary-‘experience’ within-myself came-up of: “Oh – you’re becoming quite ‘serious’ now within your writing, of what you’re writing”. “It’s Getting quite Serious here” – lol. Laughing with myself... You’ll find within my Writing – there’s moments of ‘playfulness’, sharing-me for a Moment with you and moments of ‘seriousness’, going-into the ‘technical-details’ of what has been discovered within a real-time experience of and as me in relation to what I’m writing-about. Though – not ‘playfulness’ and ‘seriousness’ as a matter of ‘definition’ – though some-points is written within and as the ‘seriousness’ of its existence, as it exist in the Moment. Other-points are written within and as the ‘playfulness’ of its existence, as it exist in the Moment. I am ‘enjoying’-myself thus-far in, as and through writing. It’s definitely a fascinating-experience of here, writing what is here, as its here with and as me. There’s really nothing to writing but what is Here, and in writing-so – One may find ‘enjoyment’, self-‘enjoyment’ within-it – you enjoying-‘yourself’, as I am currently experiencing!)
Alright – this then, the conclusion of the 1. – Point of a few Understandings, Insights and Realisations with regards to my ‘Br(d)eath-experience’ within leaving/moving out-of the Physical-Body.
I realised-that, as I was writing – the Points of me giving perspective-of why ‘who we are’ in this World, on this Earth within the Mind Consciousness System, is of absolute-Irrelevance together-with what I exactly mean with the words ‘Living’, ‘Aspect(s) / Expression(s), ‘Knowledge’ and the ‘Mind Consciousness System that isn’t-Real – will ‘lock-into’ when I describe to-you my experience in ‘meeting Myself with and as Existence in its-entirety’. The ‘meeting Myself with and as Existence in its-entirety’ happened after I had my “unexpectedness and anger within disbelief-experience’ in the Other-Side when I realised I had actually-died. It is within that Moment, the experience of me ‘meeting-myself as existence, here’ that I saw and experienced for-myself – the total, absolute-Irrelevance of my life-experience on Earth that was lived through the Mind Consciousness System as ‘what I was’. Which all ceased to exist, along-with the ceased existences of the Mind Consciousness System with the deceased Physical-Body, and only ‘parts of me, that was actually-ME living – lived through death. Such ‘parts of me’ that lived through death, had no-relation to anything or anyone in my life on Earth. They (parts of me, that was actually-ME living) were only related to me, within my own self-experience.
So, I have this Point as a ‘side-note’ to ‘return-to’ as I continue-writing – because within this sharing of me, as my Experience of Death, the Death of Me – I’ll keep to a ‘Time-Line’ of how events unfolded from Death to this current-Moment Here with me writing, along-with the Understandings, Insights and Realisations within the events and, of course – Moments of Playfulness in-between.
Okay, so – we’re still with the Understandings, Insights and Realisations with regards to my ‘Br(d)eath-experience’ within leaving/moving out-of the Physical-Body.
2. Breath
The realisation of myself as Breath with the realisation of the fact that I’ve never actually, really Breathed-before = until the Moment of Death, within the very-Moment of ‘crossing-over’ to the ‘Other-Side’: Is what I’ll be sharing with you here, within the words to follow.
We’ve defined breathing as life: Life = Breathing:
“Because I breathe, I am alive”.
“Because I inhale ‘air’ as molecules of oxygen into my Lungs, provided sufficiently by/through Nature and exhale Carbon-dioxide, provided sufficiently by/through my own Physical-Body as the Process defined as ‘breathing’ = I ‘live’, I am ‘alive’.”
Wherein the Physical-Act of Breath, the ‘ability to Breathe’ is an ‘automated unconscious action’ programmed in/as the Physical-itself and require no Self-Directive Attention/Focus – it’s done for-Self, by/through the Physical-Body we exist-in
Yet – we take the very-thing we define as ‘life’ as our Statement of ‘I am alive, because I breathe’ / ‘I breathe, therefore I’m alive’ = for granted with every-single in-Breath and out-Breath we take. To such an extent, that we even ‘forget that we’re Breathing’. It’s become such a ‘natural, normal ‘part of our life/living-definition’ that we sometimes don’t even realise we’re Breathing, or, actually – most of the time, if not all the time.
Herein then, the definition of Death: There’s no Breath within the Physical-Body. The Physical-Body stopped-Breathing and because the Breath of the Physical-Body stopped – the entire Physical-Body ceased all functioning’s and operations within and as itself and so, then – the definition of/as ‘Death’.
‘Life’ = The Physical-Body Breathing
‘Death’ = The Physical-Body not-Breathing
Therefore, it’s not the Being in the Physical-Body that stopped-Breathing, but the Physical-Body-itself. Because Breathing is an ‘automated-action’ of and as the Physical-Body-itself. The Being in the Physical-Body does not Breathe ‘consciously’ within Self-Awareness. No. Breathing as the Action of Breath in the Physical – is done by the Physical, as the Physical-itself FOR the Being existing within the Physical-Body.
Stating: “He/She stopped Breathing” or “He/She isn’t Breathing” = is ‘incorrect’. It’s the Physical-Body that stopped Breathing or isn’t-Breathing.
This is proven within the very-fact that the Being is not the Physical-Body in-fact by the very-fact that, the Being is not Breathing ‘consciously’ within Self-Awareness with and as the Physical = but the Physical-Body is Breathing for-them.
Thus – In this World, one’s ‘life’ and ‘death’ is determined by the Physical-Body within whether the Physical-Body Breathe for-us or Stop-Breathing for-us.
Yet – the ‘decision’ of Birth within where, when, how and why is made by-us and the ‘decision’ of Death within where, when, how and why is made by-us.
This ‘decision’ is made within that part of-ourselves within ‘who we are’ that exist ‘beyond’ our current-understanding of ‘who we are’ through the Mind Consciousness System.
Part 6
In this World, one’s ‘life’ and ‘death’ is determined by the Physical-Body within whether the Physical-Body Breathe for-us or Stop-Breathing for-us.
Yet – the ‘decision’ of Birth within where, when, how and why is made by-us and the ‘decision’ of Death within where, when, how and why is made by-us.
This ‘decision’ is made within that part of-ourselves within ‘who we are’ that exist ‘beyond’ our current-understanding of ‘who we are’ through the Mind Consciousness System. It’s that part of ‘who we are’ that is the actual-truth of-Ourselves in relationship-to all and everything that exist and not-just the ‘who I am’ we understand ourselves to be through the Mind Consciousness System in relationship to only our own individual-existence alone.
(Note: I will expand on this Point of the ‘decision’ that is made within ‘who we are’ as the truth of ourselves in relationship-to all and everything that exist in relation to ‘life’ and ‘death’ as defined within this World. This I will do within and through sharing my-Experience with ‘meeting Myself with and as Existence in its-entirety’. Herein, through sharing my-Experience in relation to this-Point – you’ll have a practical-understanding through-me of what I discussed-above.)
(Note of the Note: I have it as a side-note ready to return-to.)
So – within this World, Breathing is a Physical-Automated Action (PAA). (lol – here’s something interesting: In the Language ‘Afrikaans’, PA means ‘Father’ and in sounding PAA it sound-as Pa – the word for ‘Father’ in the Language ‘Afrikaans’. Breathing = the ‘Father’. Then, within-this: ‘God’ is referred-to as ‘Father’, “Our Father who art in Heaven”. Breathing: Our Father, Our God – lol)
Anyway...
Yet – we ‘define’ this Physical Automated Action as Breathing as ‘life’, ‘being-alive’ and ‘living’...until we Die and stop-Breathing and the Physical Automated Action cease functioning/operating and then we’re ‘dead’.
Or is it:
We ‘define’ this Physical Automated Action of the Physical as ‘life’, ‘being-alive’ and ‘living’...until the PHYSICAL (not ‘we’) Die and stop-Breathing and the Physical Automated Action cease functioning/operating and then the PHYSICAL is (not we’re) ‘dead’.
Yet = the Physical-Body, that which the Physical-Body exist-as as the substance within and as the ‘material’ it is made-up of: Does-not ‘die’, but continue it’s-existence within the Physical in ‘changed/transformed’-form as it ‘return to the Earth’ or within Intestines of other-creatures/animals that feed-on that which the Physical consist-of/exist-as. Also – the Being that was In the Physical-Body during their life-time do not ‘die’ – but ‘change/transform’ as they Cross-Over into the ‘Other-Side’ and continue-existing.
Both ‘change/transform’ within their self-existence and both ‘continue-existing’.
The Physical-Body change/transform within/during its ‘decaying-process’ – but it still-remain within that which it decays-into.
The Being change/transform within the Cross-Over process due to their ejection/release from within the Mind Consciousness System that contained all their information/knowledge as programs of themselves in the form of ‘Energy’, and the actuality/realness of-themselves is all that remain within the Other-Side and they, within the Other-Side continue their Existence.
Thus why beings ‘change / transform’ when they Cross-Over: It’s not that we actually ‘change / transform’ – this would / could be the experience of those that ‘knew’-us. That, if we were to speak with them after-Death – we would be ‘changed / transformed’, because we’re no-More the ‘knowledge’ that the others ‘knew-us to be’. We’re now actually ‘Ourselves’ in the Other-Side, not the Mind Consciousness System of Knowledge and Information we programmed / constructed / designed ourselves to be within this World through the Mind Consciousness System that formed/shaped the ‘knowledge’ of-ourselves within-Others as how they ‘Knew-us’ / ‘Known us to be’.
We’ve limited the definition of ‘life’ and ‘death’ to the Physical-Body Breathing and the Physical-Body not-Breathing together with the belief that both the Physical-Body and the Being are ‘alive’ or ‘dead’ in relation to only that of the Physical-Breath.
However – what is not taken into consideration is the continued-existence of both the Physical-Body and the Being, because the ‘Being’ is not-seen by those that remain in their Physical-Bodies in this World and the Physical-Body change/transform its formed-substance/material.
Just because the Physical-Breath stop = does not mean the Physical-Body ‘die’ nor does it mean the Being ‘die’. Both simply continue their existence in different ‘forms’.
Within my-own Death-experience – I’ve for-myself, directly-experienced the fact that, the Being is separate from the Physical-Body, and that I’ve existed in a Mind Consciousness System in the Physical, whereby the Physical-Body functioned within its automated Programming of Organs to ‘substantiate’ my-existence within this World for the while I was here. I was in-fact not actually existent within and as the Physical-Body itself, but for parts of me that I lived as-Me that ‘merged’ with and as the Physical, which had no-effect on my existence in this World as 99% of me was existent within, as and through the Mind Consciousness System – the other 1% was all that remained of the ‘actual-Me’ so to speak.
This, then – our current-‘Understanding’ of Breath/Breathing related to our current-Limited definition within belief of Breath and Breathing in relation to ‘life’ and ‘death’. Wherein both Breath/Breathing and ‘life’ and ‘death’ extend beyond our current accepted definition and belief-thereof within and through the Mind Consciousness System.
So...
What is Breath then, Really? Because my Physical-Body breathed for-me throughout my life on Earth without my Conscious-participation within the Breathing-Process, yet – within the Moment of my ‘letting-go’ / ‘release’-experience from the Physical-Body = I realised that I didn’t need/require my lungs of the Physical-Body in order to Breathe, and so I became ‘Breath Self-Realised’. Which mean that: Breath is not restricted to the definition of Oxygen-In and Carbon-dioxide-Out as the Mechanics of the Physical-Body. Because I Breathed without having a Physical-Body – I Breathed within the Interdimensional-Existence. Which mean that: Interdimensional-Beings do-Breathe. So, again: What is Breath then, Really?
We have Physical-Breathing as an automated-action as part-of the Physical-Body’s inherent programmed-design as its primary source of ‘life’, to ‘continue its momentary-existence’ in the Physical-World for as long as it last. Thus, referred to as ‘Programmed-Breathing’.
Then...
We have Self-Breathing, wherein Self is Breath-itself Breathing. This Breath as Self is referred to as the Actual-Breath.
Part 7
We have Self-Breathing, wherein Self is Breath-itself Breathing. This Breath as Self is referred to as the Actual-Breath.
Breath – the Actual Breath, is not defined, determined, restricted or limited-to that of the Physical-Body’s Automated Mechanics, or to Physicality-itself – but encompass Self in Totality, whereby Self become/is Breath-itself, wherein Self Is that which Breathe as Breath . Self become the Substance as Breath-itself.
The Actual-Breath is not defined, determined, restricted or limited-to the requirement/need for/of Air within the mechanics of Oxygen-In and Carbon-dioxide-Out within and throughout the Physical-Body through the Organs – but is an Expression that Self is, Here. The ‘living’ of that ‘Expression’ can be described as a ‘motion’ or a ‘movement’ of and as Self as Breath, wherein the entirety of Self is the Expression of Breath-In and Breath-Out. The ‘experience’ of Self as Breath is that of a ‘soft, gentle breeze’ constant within its continuity of movement and motion.
This is my ‘physical’-experience currently within the ‘Other-Side’ – that I am Breath-itself, Here and the ‘experience’ of the Expression of me as Breath-itself can be describe as that of a ‘gentle, soft breeze’ that is me in totality.
It’s not that I am ‘moving’ or that there is a ‘motion’ of-sorts = I’m simply Here, yet the ‘best-way’ I can describe one’s ‘experience’ as Breath in the Other-Side is that of being a ‘soft-gentle breeze’ that is ‘moving in consistent continual motion’ Here. Not into a particular direction/way – the ‘experience’ is right-Here, where I am as Breath as I remain standing-Still with and as myself.
(Wow – I re-read what I wrote as my self-description of the experience of Breath as me, and the expression of Breath as me, and I saw beings staring at the words with a frown on their head going: “What?” – lol. So – I’ll make it more ‘tangible’ in describing what the ‘Actual-Breath’ really is...)
Alright – so, I’m able to give-you a ‘more’ tangible-description of what the Actual-Breath is as Self, Here – wherein Self is the experience and expression of and as Breath-itself. Though it’s going to require some ‘imagination’ of-sorts, as you ‘see’ through my words the existence of and as Actual-Breath. Because you’re not-yet Actual-Breath, Breathing Here – it’ll only be an ‘understanding’ within-yourself and not-yet an Actuality.
Each-one will have to ‘actualize’-themselves as-Breath, for-themselves to realise the actuality of Self as Breath. This is not-done through only ‘Understanding’ or ‘seeing within Understanding’ through using one’s Imagination of Mind, wherein self form an ‘probable/possible idea’ of how it could/would-be.
Because ‘ideas’ are formed through Mind-Imagination. You hear someone-speak or see the words of another being-written, wherein the ‘understanding’ of the words heard/read are formed within your Mind as it filter-through your state of current-understanding and according to that = you form/shape an ‘idea’ / ‘ideas’ from your current state of understanding within your Mind of what is being spoken and/or written.
There is no ‘real-time’, actual equal and one physically-lived direct-insight of what is being read and heard – thus, what is being read and heard is constructed through Mind-Imagination within current-understanding as formed and shaped ‘ideas’.
Alright – after this ‘titbit-perspective’ of Mind-Imagination and –Ideas = a ‘tangible-perspective’ of Actual-Breath:
While or when Breathing Physical-Breath – one (when one is ‘conscious’ of-it) experience ‘slight-pressure’ within the chest-area (however the pressure may/might vary dependent on the velocity of one’s breathing at the time) only. This pressure experienced within the chest-area, the only vocal-point of and as the Physical-Breath, as one Breathe air-In and air-Out through the Lungs that is situated within the area within-which the pressure is experienced.
This is Physical-Breath = as an automated-action as part-of the Physical-Body’s inherent programmed-design.
Actual-Breath is ‘experienced’ as follows:
(Note: Realise that I’m giving-you a ‘perspective’, through utilizing what is here to give-perspective of Actual-Breath. However – Actual-Breath is not defined, or have any reference-to what I will be using within the description of the perspective to give you an understanding of what Actual-Breath really is. I say this – to ‘forewarn’-you (so-to-speak) to not define Actual-Breath to/towards anything = it is SELF that Becomes Actual-Breath.)
‘Imagine’ that you are every part, particle and minuscule-inch of your Physical-Body in Full, Complete Self-Awareness. Meaning, that – you in Full, Complete Self-Awareness, ‘experience’ every part, particle and minuscule-inch of your Physical-Body, As-it equal and one.
Now – ‘Imagine’ – you as every part, particle and minuscule-inch of and as your Physical-Body = Breathing in Unison, together within and as the motion of and as Breath. Within this Breathing-Unity = you’re experiencing you as every part, particle and minuscule-inch Breathing, Here.
This Manifest the ‘experience’ of you AS your Physical-Body, entirely, in its Totality = Breathing = which Manifest the ‘experience’ of your total, entire Physical-Body as Breath-itself as the Motion of In and Out and In and Out and In and Out...
There’s no ‘pressure’ that is experienced at only one-Point as with Physical-Breath within the Chest-Area – No = you experience you as the Physical-Manifestation of and as Breath = Breathing as the totality and entirety of and as you in Completeness, in-Motion = yet remaining Here – Standing-Still.
This is the ‘closest’ I can come to give you a perspective of Actual-Breath, of Self as the manifested-experience of and as Breath-itself, Here.
I’d say = within my experience as Actual-Breath, is the Actual-Breath is Self as the Presence of and as Here, as the ‘indication’ that “i am HERE”, In-Fact.
However, realise that: This is not to ‘condemn’, ‘banish’ or ‘disregard’ Physical-Breath in any way whatsoever – I mean, CommonSensically = Physical-Breath as the current automated-action as part-of the Physical-Body’s inherent programmed-design as it exist, is your ‘Reason’ for currently being/existing in this World.
So – with that, within One’s ‘Process’ in this World, realise that: One will actually utilize the Physical-Breath in assisting and supporting Self to become Actual-Breath Breathing Here with and as the Physical.
Part 8
Within One’s ‘Process’ in this World, realise that: One will actually utilize the Physical-Breath in assisting and supporting Self to become Actual-Breath Breathing Here with and as the Physical.
Remember, as I’ve explained-before = we’ve manifested and created the Physical-Breath as a System-‘Representation’ of and as Actual-Breath, because we’ve separated-ourselves from-ourselves as Here as the presence of and as Here as Actual-Breath.
Within that accepted and allowed separation, we’ve separated-ourselves into and as Manifested System-Representations of-Ourselves that function/exist For-us = until we ‘return to ourselves’ so-to-speak within the realisation and standing of and as Equality and Oneness.
For example:
The System-Representation of and as HERE was created and manifested as the Physical.
The System-Representation of and as ACTUAL-BREATH was created and manifested as the Physical-Breath.
The System-Representation of and as PRESENCE was created and manifested as Consciousness.
The System-Representation of and as OURSELVES was created and manifested as the Mind Consciousness System.
Yet = Accepted and Allowed Separation from our-Part = doesn’t come without its definite-Consequences, simply-because we’ve abdicated-Ourselves to/towards Systematic-Representations that is currently existing/living FOR-us.
The Consequence: We’ve become Slaves to manifested Reflections of-Ourselves as Systematic-Representations that has ‘formed a life of its-Own in-our-Stead’ to survive or exist FOR-us, while we’re ‘lost’ within the Search for-Ourselves that is In-Fact, already-Here as Everything that Exist.
So – I mean, we cannot blame, condemn or disregard what is Here, as it exist Here in this existence that is Ourselves – I mean, it’s all existing as we’ve accepted and allowed ourselves to Program and Design-it to exist, to survive within its continued-existence FOR-us until the light-bulb within-ourselves finally switch-On so-to-speak = to eradicate the ‘false-light’ that exist and realise the Eternal-Darkness as Here is-Ourselves.
(Did You Know: that it is Darkness within the ‘Interdimensional-Existence’, Here in the Physical = total, complete Darkness – except for the ‘sound-movements’ / when reactions are experienced – then you so ‘colour-expressions’ here and there, but besides that: The Interdimensional-Existence, Here in the Physical with-Ourselves = is Total, Eternal Darkness.)
Alright – back-to the Point of utilizing the Physical-Breath in assisting and supporting Self to become Actual-Breath Breathing Here with and as the Physical:
So, with Physical-Breath being the System-Representation of-Ourselves as Actual-Breath, one will within one’s Process – utilize Physical-Breath to assist and support Self in becoming Actual-Breath.
Now – please = within becoming Actual-Breath in and as the Physical with and as the Physical-Body DOES NOT MEAN YOU’LL STOP BREATHING, PHYSICALLY – it only mean that you will self-realise You as Actual-Breath and in this self-realisation: ‘Transform’ the existence of you to/towards Physical-Breath into and as self Breathing with and as the Physical, Here equal and one – which is Actual-Breath as Self, Here.
Thus – Self as Actual-Breath in and as the Physical = is Self becoming the Physical-Breath, Breathing equal and one as the Physical-itself, wherein Self become the Physical-Body-itself and Breath-itself In-Fact, Equal and One.
This is done through becoming Self-Aware as and with the Physical-Breath, wherein one Breath within and as Self-Awareness, which is being Aware of and as each-Breath that you Breath in and out.
Breathing Consciously means only that you ‘Know that you are Breathing’.
Breathing in and as Self-Awareness means that you are actually Here – in, as and with each-Breath = actually Breathing with and as the Physical.
Within Self living this Self-Awareness with and as each-Breath as the Physical, and assisting and supporting-Self at the same-time to Stop the Mind and merge with the Physical Equal and One = is the Process of Self manifesting-Self as HERE, as PRESENCE, as PHYSICAL-BREATH – ‘returning self to Self’ (so-to-speak) from Separation to Equality and Oneness as Life.
This then, the conclusion of the 2. – Point of a few Understandings, Insights and Realisations with regards to my ‘Br(d)eath-experience’ within leaving/moving out-of the Physical-Body.
And also, thus – the conclusion of my ‘Total Br(d)eath-experience’ within leaving/moving out-of the Physical-Body.
Now – I’ll begin with sharing my experience of ‘meeting Myself with and as Existence in its-entirety’ after I had my “unexpectedness and anger within disbelief-experience’ in the Other-Side when I realised I had actually-died.
Part 9
Now – I’ll begin with sharing my experience of ‘meeting Myself with and as Existence in its-entirety’ after I had my “unexpectedness and anger within disbelief-experience’ in the Other-Side when I realised I had actually-died.
Lol – so – after I had a Moment to ‘mourn’ (actually moan-about) my own-Death – I was enclosed into and as a ‘Bubble-Formation’. So – I was literally enclosed in a Bubble that was the manifestation of Eternity, meaning that – I could ‘see’ Eternity within- and is-It as the Manifested-Darkness it existed-as.
I was alone with only me within the Bubble as Eternal-Darkness.
I remember when the Bubble started forming-itself around-Me, until I was finally enclosed within-It. Suddenly, out-of-nowhere – it was like an invisible force ‘drew the Bubble’ into-Manifestation around-Me, until I was within and as it.
I didn’t attempt/try-to ‘run-away’ while/when the Bubble formed around-me - I was completely, entirely enthralled with the ‘experience’ and mesmerized by / through this formation forming by-itself around-Me into-Manifestation, until – ‘to my Amazement’ – I found-Myself within-It.
And...there I was, looking around at my Surroundings – Eternal-Darkness within the Bubble I was In and Eternal-Darkness outside the Bubble I was In, with only me, alone within Eternal-Darkness.
Strangely-enough: I didn’t have any ‘particular-experience’ in that Moment of Alonenes within Eternal-Darkness = I was simply Here and quite ‘comfortable’ within Here. Though – what I did experience, however – was a sense of ‘waiting’, as-though a ‘part of me knew’ what was about to take-place...
So – I was ‘standing-around’ within the Bubble-Formation surrounding-Me, looking-into Eternity, when – in the Far-Distance, I saw ‘Movement’ and it Immediately grabbed my Attention. I, within the Immediacy of full, complete Attention - stood-still, focusing on that Movement – attempting-to within that ‘standing-still focus’ = determine what the Movement is that I was Seeing far in the Distance of Eternity within the Bubble-Formation I was-In.
I noticed that the ‘Movement’ wasn’t a ‘Movement’-only, remaining there far in the Distance of Eternity = but a Circular-Formation, constantly changing/transforming colour and motion that was Moving towards-Me from within the Bubble-Formation I was-In.
At-first it looked-like a small Green light, then – as it came closer, I could see it transforming and moving within-itself into and as various colours, wherein the colours-themselves was moving into and as various motions = yet remaining manifested as a circular-formation.
Now – Here comes an interesting-Point... ... ... (lol – I won’t keep you waiting) – the Moment I could clearly See the circular-formation coming towards-Me as I described in the paragraph-above: I saw the exact-same circular-formation within-Myself! An exact-Manifestation of the circular-formation that was coming towards-Me from the ‘outside’, was coming from within-Me towards-Me from the Inside of-Me. So – what was happening outside of-Me was happening within-Me. I was Fascinated...and bewildered at the same-time. Yet – I continued within wonderment and question with regards to this extraordinary event taking-place, Wondering within Question: What-exactly this Circular-Formation was, that was coming towards-Me both without and within at the same-time simultaneously?
As the Circular-Formation continued its Direction towards-Me, both within and without simultaneously – both Circular-Formations in their expression ‘Mirroring’ each-other to the exact-Degree = I started-Noticing ‘more’-Detail existent within and as the constant-motioning colour-movement Circular-Formation Moving simultaneously towards-Me from both within and without.
The Manifestation of the Detail I started Noticing was that of circles, lines, tubes and circles in tubes with a white-resonant outline that ‘stood-out’ within all the colours within and of the Circular-Formation – all of which became ‘more’ Defined as the Circular-Formation came ‘closer’ towards-Me.
(Note: With ‘colour’ I do not mean ‘colour’ as one know colour to be in this World as is seen through Physical Eyes – No. The ‘colour’ I speak-of (and I will yet-again do my ‘best’ in describing, tangibly) is ‘more’-like manifested-‘Expressions’ that in their ‘emergence’ of being just-that, Expression = Resonate a ‘presence’. Wherein that resonant-‘Presence’ manifest ‘colour’, but it is In-Fact: Expression. So – the ‘colour’ I speak-of is actually ‘resonant-Presence’ as Expression of a particular-manifestation, wherein the ‘colour’ as resonant-Presence as Expression of a particular-Manifestation is ‘multidimensional’ = it’s not a ‘flat-one-tone-colour’ as one See in this World.)
I ‘intensified’ my Focus to see whether I could ‘more’-Clearly determine what-exactly the shapes and forms were that I started-Noticing as and while the Circular-Formation moved closer and closer and closer towards-Me from both within and without. Within doing-so (intensifying my Focus) – I could Clearly-See this Physical-Existence, in-Manifestation within and as the Circular-Formation. But – not in ‘Picture-Form’ as one see this Physical-Existence through Human Physical-Eyes – I saw the manifested-‘Expression’ as the infinite-dimensionality as what this Physical-Existence exist-as, ‘Beyond’ what is Seen through Physical-Eyes: And it AMAZED Me, Beyond-Recall.
Now – this that I described-Above as Seeing the Actuality as what this entire, total Physical-Existence exist-as that is Beyond anything that anyone (including Myself in that Moment) can/could ever know, conceive or imagine = I saw as the Circular-Formation that was moving towards-Me, was almost ‘upon-Me’.
(lol - I for a ‘split-second’ wondered whether I should ‘get out of its (the Circular-Formation’s) way as it was almost ‘upon-Me’, but I then realised that = it was ‘slowing-down’ in its Movement. And then I Breathed – ready to Embrace whatever is to Follow-Next…)
As the Circular-Formation as this entire, total, Physical-Existence in manifested-infinite-dimensional Expression that came towards-Me from the Outside moved closer, slowly towards-Me until it was literally inches away from-Me: I could see the minuetest-Detail of All of Existence Right Before-Me, Here.
At the same-Time; the Circular-Formation as this entire, total Physical-Existence in manifested-infinite-dimensional Expression that came towards-Me from within-Me: Merged with and as Me, until I Stood Here as this Physical-Existence, as the manifested-infinite-dimensional Expression it exist-As, equal-to and one-with the Circular-Formation on the Outside of-Me.
Part 10
Now – the Inside of and as Me, was equal-to and one-with the Outside of-Me.
I simply Stood-there, in Absolute Awe of what I was Seeing and Experiencing as Existence-itself = both within and without As-Me, Here. There’s no Words to Describe the ‘Indescribable’ – therefore, I will continue with sharing what happened-Next:
My Moment of Absolute-Awe, Astonishment, Wonder and Enthusiasm (all-of which was experienced simultaneously at the same-time, by-the-way) came to a Disturbing-, Sudden-Halt when; within-Me as Existence as what I stood-As in that Moment: I started Hearing the most Haunting, Gruesome and Painful Screams one could ever consider-existing within one’s current ‘state of perception’ of Existence-itself.
So – First came the Screams, coming from within-Me as Existence, from within Existence as-Me while simultaneously Hearing the Screams coming-from Existence Standing before-Me.
Existence Here – both within-Me and without – Equal and One, I was in that Moment ‘Standing before Existence-itself’ as-Myself.
The Realisation that Existence was Me – that I was Existence-itself, came a Moment-later after Hearing the Screams and experiencing for-Myself the Reality of Existence and not my ‘deprived-perception’ of the Reality of Existence that only featured ‘me, myself and I’ within my-Own ‘My-Personal-World Saga’.
Not only could I Hear the Screams, but I ‘physically, interdimensionally’ – experienced the pain of and within the Screams, as though the Sound of the Screams-itself; contained the Pain-itself that created such Treacherous, Tormenting and Dreadful Screams. I ‘physically, interdimensionally’ experienced the Pain of Sound as the Screams forthcoming from within-Me as Existence and before-Me as Existence.
‘Heaven and Hell’ hadn’t crossed-Me before this Moment, but one cannot experience such-Pain without Wondering whether you’d been Sent to Hell and is now Standing before the Entrance to-It as you Hear the non-stop, seemingly-infinite Screams of Absolute Pain that Penetrate to the Depths of Self to the extent wherein one actually experience the Pain-itself of the Screams as an actual-real Physical-Experience.
The ‘Physical-Experience’, Interdimensionally, of the Screams as Pain was that of my Total-Being as a Physical-Manifestation – being ripped- and shredded-apart, tearing within and throughout-Me = over and over and over again, into and as all conceivable directions.
Exactly as one would experience one’s Physical-Body being ripped- and shredded-apart, torn-through within and throughout - into and as varied-directions = while you’re still-Alive. Hundreds of sharp-knives cutting-through every inch and part of-you at the same-time; not dying – but remaining alive and experiencing just-That: This was my Experience as the Screams as Pain from within and as Existence I stood-as and that stood before-Me.
As this Physical-Pain I experienced – (that no-Man of Earth would be able to withstand, even for a-Second) continued, which – within the Moment of the experience, felt-like I would continue within this experience infinitely: I truly believed that my Fate had been decided for-Me and by-Me = I’ve been Sent to Hell – I am in Hell.
My ‘fate’ being decided for-Me and by-Me; because in my ‘understanding’ – ‘going-to’ Heaven or Hell is ‘decided’ both-Ways – by-Yourself and by-‘God’, as ‘God’ make the decision of you ‘earning’ your Place in Heaven or-Not based on your ‘lived-actions’ in this World, and you, yourself decide based on how you decide to live through your actions in this World. Thus, I believed that ‘God’-decided that I didn’t earn a place in ‘Heaven’, and I decided that for-Myself based on my ‘lived-actions’ in this World that weren’t ‘valid or good-enough’ to earn a place in ‘Heaven’ with ‘Him’.
(Note: What fascinates me though is – as I look-back, how – when I experienced the Pain, ‘physically-interdimensionally’ = I immediately went-to “Religion”; even-though I wasn’t a Religious-Person at-All on Earth, from the perspective of ‘living the belief of there being a God/Devil and Heaven and Hell’.
The ‘fascination-point’ comes-in, from the perspective that: I’d ‘turn-to’ Religious-Doctrine = Instead of Myself. That I’d consider Religion, Instead of Myself – that I related such-Pain to Hell, instead of realising that I’m the Direct-Result of and as such-Pain. The Pain is-Me – Obviously-Proven within the very-Fact that I was standing-There as-Existence within-Me, that I was Standing before-Existence as-Me = it was all ME. Though, as I’ve said – this realisation of Existence standing both within and without - as being-Me, only came after the ‘Screams-of-Pain-Experience’ – so, I’ll continue together-With all the ridiculousies that went through-Me.)
I was brought to my knees in the wrought of Pain that I’d-become as the Screams emanating from Existence within-Me and without, Hearing the Screams and experiencing the Pain as the Screams as though Pain-itself was Screaming, as-though Existence was Screaming as-Me, both within and without as Pain-itself = and I became the manifested Physical-Interdimensional experience of-It.
There simply aren’t words for the Intensity and Depth of Pain I experienced...the only ‘tangible-description’ that I can give as the closest that I can possibly attempt to-come – is as I shared with-you above.
And I mean – the Pain continued...(lol, so-much-so that it could convert a Non-Believer into God-Worshipping, Angel-Praising, Hallelujah-Singing Servant in an instant.) No – I may have a moment-‘laugh’ about it now as I write – but I mean, it was and is no-Laughing matter; as I continue-writing and you see for-Yourself...
As the Pain-continued, with me experiencing the continued-infinity of and as Pain-itself as the Sound of Screams ripping, tearing and shredding within- and throughout-Me, constantly, continually – with Me experiencing-Myself as Pain-itself; as all the Pain that has, is and could-be existing within-Existence throughout-Time – all at the same-Time, being experienced as-Me, Here: I kept-On asking-Myself the Question over and over and over again:
“What have I done to deserve this? What have I done to deserve this? What have I done to deserve this?”
Part 11
"What have I done to deserve this?”
This Question I asked, was asked within my-‘Belief’ of me being Sent to ‘Hell’ by ‘God’ and decided my-own Fate into Hell’s-Hands. This-‘belief’ I ‘conjured’-up by/through creating the following ‘belief’, based-on my assumption/perception of my-Experience:
Because I ‘believed’ I had been ‘sent to Hell by God and decided my-own Fate into Hell’s-Hands’ (based-on my assumption/perception of the Screams as Pain I was physically-interdimensionally experiencing as-Me that seemed to continue-Infinitely); I conjured the ‘belief’ that:
The ‘Circular-Formation’ that came towards-Me in the beginning from Both within and without Simultaneously = was ‘God’ as ‘Existence’. That ‘God’ (from the Religious-Aspect: The ‘Alpha and Omega, Omnipresent and Omnipotent’ Religious-Doctrine ‘God’) was-Existence, this Physical-Manifested Existence. And ‘He’ came to-Me as ‘Existence’ in the Beginning as the Circular-Formations coming towards-Me from both within and without – to send-Me to Hell (from the Religious-Aspect: Burning in the Fires of Hell for eternity where the Devil-reigns Religious-Doctrine ‘Hell’); which I ‘believed’ I was experiencing, because of the ‘infinitely’-experienced Pain I had become.
And I remember saying to-Myself: “It’s interesting that ‘Heaven and Hell’ looks exactly like this Physical-Existence from which I’d come.” – (lol).
I said this to-Myself within the ‘belief’ that – ‘God’ came to-Me as this Physical-Existence, within-which Heaven-exist (which in my-‘belief’ explained the ‘experience’ I had within-Myself while the Circular-Formations were coming-towards-Me as being a ‘taste of Heaven’ as Absolute-Awe, Astonishment, Wonder and Enthusiasm); and that now – ‘God’ left-me to ‘Hell’, ‘Hell’ which I experienced as-this Physical-Existence as manifested-Pain of Screams that I was experiencing. Within-which all this belief-creating-conjuring: I presumed, assumed and perceived ‘Heaven and Hell’ to be exact-Manifestations of and as this Physical-Existence, but with ‘different-Experiences’.
All I was ‘waiting-for’ Now, was to ‘see’ the Devil and Me ‘engulfed’ in Fires with Trillions of others...
which didn’t happen...
the Pain just Continued as-Me, Here, as-Existence – both within and without.
So – within this self-created conjured-‘belief’ based-on my assumption and perception of my-Experience, I presumed that: This is It – there’s no-Way out. This is Me for Infinity: Me as this Pain, as the Pain of all of Existence-itself combined that has-been, that is and will-be...for Infinity. I’m in Hell – and this is IT.
(Understand, that – I refer to my self-experience in relation-to the whole ‘Heave/Hell’ debacle I experienced as a: “Self-created conjured-‘belief’ of my assumption and perception” = because I understand-now, here – what I did.
But then – in that Moment, as I’ve written-above of me actually-‘believing’ that I was in-‘Hell’ and everything I concluded within-that = was ‘Real’ for-me.
I didn’t realise, know or understand in that-Moment that I was actually creating the ‘belief’ of me being in ‘Hell’ based-on my projected perception and assumption on what I was experiencing.
What was Real – was the Pain I experienced as-Me, as existence as-Me.
What wasn’t-Real was my ‘self-experience’ as self-created conjured-‘belief’ as presumption based-on my assumption and perception of my total-experience from the perspective of me ‘being in Hell’. How I realised-This, you’ll see/find as I continue...)
I couldn’t bear this, it was just TOO MUCH, TOO GREAT for me to be able to continue such an existence infinitely and I ‘hoped’ there’d-Be Death-possible – that I, Me – would Die of this Infinite-Pain that had become-Me, that was still at-the-time, constantly, continually ripping, tearing and searing within and throughout me, into and as all-Directions. I ‘Hoped’ that Death in this Hell that I was: Would be-Possible.
But...
I couldn’t ‘See’ Death – All I could See, All that was Here – was Agonizing Pain = Infinitely.
You know when you’re on Earth – you KNOW that you’ll eventually-Die. It’s an inner-Acceptance of Knowing – even-though it’s not in one’s constant, continued-Thoughts/Considerations every-Second of every-Day: You Know that you’re going-to Die, and in this ‘Knowing’ – you ‘See’-Death, because it’s existent within-You.
But, within my-Experience as Infinite-Pain as-Me: There was no ‘Knowing’ of-Death – Pain was the only Infinite-Constant that was Here as-Me. And this...this FRIGHTENED Me, Greatly. ‘Knowing’ that all I will Know and Be as a Constant-Certainty within-Me – will be Pain, Infinitely: FRIGHTENED-Me, Greatly. This Scare – so Great – that I actually experienced the ‘Pain’ of the Fright I had when I realised this: There is no-Death – only Infinite-Pain.
I started Crying.
The Crying was not that of Tears – No, but was a Cry that came from-Me, as-Me as the Pain – Me crying as and of the Pain I was and had-become, within the Knowing that – all that will ever-Exist: Is me, alone, Here as Infinite-Pain.
As I cried to-Myself, as and with the Screams of Pain that Resonated and Emanated from and as Existence-itself, both within-Me and without – Beings began to ‘Emerge’ from within Existence as-Me, both within-Me and without: ‘Distinct’-Manifestations of Beings – Screaming in absolute Agonizing, Depth-Penetrating Pain.
Now I started to See ‘Faces’ or ‘Embodiments’ to the Screams of Pain that Originally Resonated and Emanated of and within Existence, that I had initially Heard and Inevitably became as Screams of Pain of Existence-itself in its Entirety.
Question and Response on YouTube, in relation to 'The Death of Me - Part 11' Video
YT Question:
If your in so much pain, how could you possibly focus on all this? -.-;
Response:
The Pain is not limited to the senses of the Physical-Body, as interpreted through the Brain and experienced by the Physical, wherein the Body and Mind has a ‘limited endurance capacity’, in relation to the extent of Pain it can withstand, before one either die of pain/collapse or faint of pain or experience pain to the extent where you cannot ‘function’, wherein the pain ‘takes over physically and mentally’.
The Pain experienced as described within the Video – there exist no ‘switch’ / ‘limited endurance capacity’, wherein you’re dependent on the ‘physical senses, brain / mind’ to decide for you, the amount of pain you can handle/take; because the pain is not defined according to ‘physicality’, the pain itself experienced is not defined according to physicality = it’s a Pain experienced that is you. And, within the interdimensional-physical existence, here – you don’t have a Mind Consciousness System, as you do here on Earth as a Human-Being, thus – everything you experience is You, so also with Pain – therefore, no matter the extent of the Pain experienced = the Being is still Here, within quantum-Reality, wherein you experience everything here, all at once, simultaneously.
Herein – you stand, and therefore – even though pain is experienced: “ I remain”, and therefore – can still ‘focus’ / ‘look-at’ what’s going-on, because all exist As-Self, Here.
See – within Pain experienced in/as the Physical – the Mind Consciousness System was not programmed/designed to be able to ‘handle’ the extent of Physical-Pain that can be experienced Physically, thus – when physical-pain gets to the extent wherein it’s ‘too much’ – the Mind ‘switch off’ so to speak, because it cannot ‘simulate’ the ‘actual reality of pain’ in and as the Physical, because Physical-Pain is Real, the Mind isn’t – and thus, when extensive pain is experienced: ‘The Reality of-It’ remains/stands – and the Mind ‘stops functioning’ so to speak, because that which isn’t real as the Mind, cannot remain/stand within that which is, such as Physical-Pain. That’s why you’ll have certain experiences in the physical in relation to physical-pain – such as not being able to ‘focus’, because your focus was not actual-lived self-focus here, in and as the physical = your ‘focus’ was dependent on the Mind – thus, if the Mind ‘stops for a moment’, you cannot focus in the face of actual, real physical-pain.